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Bruce,

Now that I've managed to pick myself back up off the floor, from ROTFL, I 
just have to tell you THAT was your absolutely funniest EVER!  (Which is 
saying a lot!)

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Bruce Weary" <bweary@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: <ridecamp@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Sent: Sunday, August 28, 2005 3:02 PM
Subject: Re: [RC] Oh My! Elephants


>  Oh come on! This is like shooting fish in a barrel! I live for this kind 
> of material. Regarding elephants being repopulated here in North America, 
> and somehow being involved in endurance riding, consider the following:
>     1) Elephants are migratory creatures. They travel hundreds of miles 
> each season, looking for food and water. As National Geographic monitors 
> the herd on the move, a microphone picks up the conversation amongst the 
> herd:   " Where are we going?"  "That way." "How far?" "Hundreds of 
> miles." "Why?" "To find food and water." "But I just saw a feed store and 
> a swimming pool at the last exit."  "Shut up. I'm trying to lead the herd. 
> Let's see,.................... I think I40 is the best way over to 
> Barstow.........
>      2) Elephants mate for life. Their courtship methods would surely 
> change after some time here in the States.............."Hello Tom" says 
> Mary. Tom replies,  "Well hello, Mary! Geez I didn't hardly recognize you! 
> You've lost a TON of weight! You look great!"  "Thanks, Tom. Is this your 
> favorite watering hole?"  "Yeah, the boys and I thought we'd stop in and 
> throw back a couple cold ones after a hard day sitting up to our necks in 
> mud." " Mud bath?" she asks.  "Nope. New job working at Enron, says Tom. 
> Mary asks, "What's that stuff between your toenails?"  " Oh that," Tom 
> answers." That's what's left of a National Geographic researcher that 
> pissed me off. Say, what's a wrinkled, grey, hottie like you doing here 
> all alone? Can I walk you home? Who knows? Maybe we'll spend the next 70 
> years together and we'll have several offspring, each of which involves 
> two minutes work on my part and a two-year pregnancy on your part." 
> ...................................To which she replies "Don't let the 
> screen door hitcha, cowboy...........
>       3) Enter two model Americans, Billy-Bob and Ed, out drivin' in their 
> pick-em-up truck,  carrying firearms, drinkin' beer and dressed in camo. 
> (After all it IS Saturday night) Soon they see flashin' lights in their 
> rear view mirror. "What we gonna do now, Billy-Bob?" says Ed. " Don't 
> worry about a thing. We're gonna finish these here beers, peel the label 
> off the bottle and stick it on our foreheads, throw the bottles on the 
> floor, and let me do the talkin'," says Billy-Bob. Which they do.
> The officer sticks his head in the window and asks "You boys been 
> drinkin'?" To which William-Robert replies, "No sir. We're on the patch!"
>      Well, this seems to satisfy the officer, and off Billie-Bob and Ed 
> drive into the night, all liquored up and nothin' to shoot. Ed's dim bulb 
> begins to flicker and he constructs a sentence:" Let's go shoot us a 
> buffalo." To which Billy-Bob replies " Good idear. I think I see some 
> comin' up over that ridge over yonder. If we're REAL quiet, we might could 
> sneak up on 'em." As we leave our friends for a moment, let's consider the 
> hearing capability of the largest ears ever devised on the planet over the 
> last several million years. These babies are 6 feet across and are 
> multidirectional. They can pick up a mosquito fart at a hundred yards. 
> Somehow, I think Billy-Bob and Ed aren't  quite as sharp as they seem. The 
> elephants, who have been monitoring their conversation the whole time, 
> begin a frightening charge. " Here they come, Ed! Run! Ruuuuuuuuuun! And 
> dang they're ugly buffalo!......" They get in their truck and Ed yells 
> "Drive!!!!!"  "Where to?"  "Barstow!"
> But they are doomed, because, as we all know, all elephants know that I40 
> leads to Barstow.................
>      So, no.   I don't think this whole repopulating thing will work here. 
> As a side note/trivia question, what do an elephant and a Tennessee Walker 
> have in common? They both do the running walk.     Gotta go. Wife has just 
> arrived with pizza... Bruce Weary
>
>
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