 |
Re: [RC] Oh My! Elephants - Bruce WearyOh come on! This is like shooting fish in a barrel! I live for this kind of material. Regarding elephants being repopulated here in North America, and somehow being involved in endurance riding, consider the following:1) Elephants are migratory creatures. They travel hundreds of miles each season, looking for food and water. As National Geographic monitors the herd on the move, a microphone picks up the conversation amongst the herd: " Where are we going?" "That way." "How far?" "Hundreds of miles." "Why?" "To find food and water." "But I just saw a feed store and a swimming pool at the last exit." "Shut up. I'm trying to lead the herd. Let's see,.................... I think I40 is the best way over to Barstow......... 2) Elephants mate for life. Their courtship methods would surely change after some time here in the States.............."Hello Tom" says Mary. Tom replies, "Well hello, Mary! Geez I didn't hardly recognize you! You've lost a TON of weight! You look great!" "Thanks, Tom. Is this your favorite watering hole?" "Yeah, the boys and I thought we'd stop in and throw back a couple cold ones after a hard day sitting up to our necks in mud." " Mud bath?" she asks. "Nope. New job working at Enron, says Tom. Mary asks, "What's that stuff between your toenails?" " Oh that," Tom answers." That's what's left of a National Geographic researcher that pissed me off. Say, what's a wrinkled, grey, hottie like you doing here all alone? Can I walk you home? Who knows? Maybe we'll spend the next 70 years together and we'll have several offspring, each of which involves two minutes work on my part and a two-year pregnancy on your part." ...................................To which she replies "Don't let the screen door hitcha, cowboy........... 3) Enter two model Americans, Billy-Bob and Ed, out drivin' in their pick-em-up truck, carrying firearms, drinkin' beer and dressed in camo. (After all it IS Saturday night) Soon they see flashin' lights in their rear view mirror. "What we gonna do now, Billy-Bob?" says Ed. " Don't worry about a thing. We're gonna finish these here beers, peel the label off the bottle and stick it on our foreheads, throw the bottles on the floor, and let me do the talkin'," says Billy-Bob. Which they do. The officer sticks his head in the window and asks "You boys been drinkin'?" To which William-Robert replies, "No sir. We're on the patch!" Well, this seems to satisfy the officer, and off Billie-Bob and Ed drive into the night, all liquored up and nothin' to shoot. Ed's dim bulb begins to flicker and he constructs a sentence:" Let's go shoot us a buffalo." To which Billy-Bob replies " Good idear. I think I see some comin' up over that ridge over yonder. If we're REAL quiet, we might could sneak up on 'em." As we leave our friends for a moment, let's consider the hearing capability of the largest ears ever devised on the planet over the last several million years. These babies are 6 feet across and are multidirectional. They can pick up a mosquito fart at a hundred yards. Somehow, I think Billy-Bob and Ed aren't quite as sharp as they seem. The elephants, who have been monitoring their conversation the whole time, begin a frightening charge. " Here they come, Ed! Run! Ruuuuuuuuuun! And dang they're ugly buffalo!......" They get in their truck and Ed yells "Drive!!!!!" "Where to?" "Barstow!" But they are doomed, because, as we all know, all elephants know that I40 leads to Barstow................. So, no. I don't think this whole repopulating thing will work here. As a side note/trivia question, what do an elephant and a Tennessee Walker have in common? They both do the running walk. Gotta go. Wife has just arrived with pizza... Bruce Weary =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Ridecamp is a service of Endurance Net, http://www.endurance.net. Information, Policy, Disclaimer: http://www.endurance.net/Ridecamp Subscribe/Unsubscribe http://www.endurance.net/ridecamp/logon.asp Ride Long and Ride Safe!! =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|