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RE: [RC] Endurance Horse on Letterman - Steph Teeter

Bruce, you win the free Ridecamp Tshirt of the week :)

Steph

(see you at convention?)

-----Original Message-----
From: ridecamp-owner@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
[mailto:ridecamp-owner@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx]On Behalf Of Bruce Weary DC
Sent: Thursday, February 09, 2006 12:58 PM
To: Ridecamp@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [RC] Endurance Horse on Letterman


  An endurance horse was a recent guest on the Dave Letterman show. 
Following is a transcript from the show:
     David Letterman:" Let's give him a big hand, he trotted in all the 
way from Auburn!" (Crowd roars)  "Welcome to the show, you ol' hayburner!'
     Horse: "Thanks, Dave. Good to be here. Thought I was gonna be 
late. Really had to hoof it over here."
     Dave: " So what's shakin' in the world of endurance riding these 
days?"
     Horse:  "Lots, Dave. Convention's comin' up in about two weeks. 
Some great speakers, fabulous trade show. Good place to blow some bucks 
and learn square dancing. Lots of new riders coming into the sport. New 
vet standards, more international competition.They even got a committee 
of people lookin' out for my welfare."
     Dave: "Really? SPCA?"
     Horse:  "Nope. AERC. And they're settin' the world standard in 
health and safety for the equine athlete."
     Dave: "How's that going?"
     Horse: "Pretty good. Pretty good. It's like joining a union. Ya 
see, they got these horse doctors, who check me out in all kinds of 
ways, and touch me in places I can't mention on TV. They do this before, 
during and after a ride, and if I'm not lookin' too shiny, they give me 
the rest of the afternoon off. I get to go back to the trailer and eat 
and drink as much as I like. Even take a nap if I want to. Someone then 
usually watches over me, wringin' their hands--all nervous like. Nothin' 
seems to make 'em happy until I pee and poop!" Then they smile, breathe 
a sigh of relief, and proudly inspect the quality of my work. Sometimes 
they're so proud they even bring a friend over to show them. So, I just 
keep eatin', and poopin'. If I don't, that there horse doctor is gonna 
reach into one end of me or the other and make it happen. It ain't 
pleasant, Dave."
     Dave: "I had no idea it was like that. How do you cope with that?"
     Horse: "Well, if you're lucky, you get placed with a rider who 
cares more about me eatin' and drinkin' and poopin' and peein', than 
holdin' his pants up or coverin' his walls. They got treeless saddles 
that feel good on my back, sheepskin covered girths so I don't chafe, 
and even these cute little overshoes they put on me. I guess it's a way 
of accessorizin'. They paint numbers on my ass, but I don't know why. I 
can't even count to ten. I get lots of carrots, and baby talk (like I 
understand it). I get to wear a nice warm blanket at night, and all my 
meals are catered. If I get injured or have some other painful 
condition, after the ride they give me drugs that make me glad I got 
hurt! Sometimes my rider cracks enough beers where he ain't feelin no 
pain either.
     Dave: "So how far do they actually ride you?
     Horse: "Good question. They got rides anywhere from 25 to 100 
miles in a day."
      Dave: "In a single day?!!! Do they use more than one horse? Do 
the riders stop and sleep? Do you get to rest?!!!!!!!!
      Horse:  "Take it easy, Dave. One horse. One rider. 24 hour time 
limit even for a 100 miler. But them there horse doctors keep a real 
close eye, and most riders care enough about us ponies that sometimes 
they'll pull us out even when the vet says we can go on. Cuz they KNOW 
us. And they're supposed to. We spend long hours, days, weeks, months, 
even years together. We rely on and protect each other. I'm usually the 
only one that's naked, but I'm used to it.
      Dave: "Ya know, I'm kind of a lazy guy. I'd be lookin' for a way 
to get out of that much work. Any tricks to that?
     Horse:  "You betcha. I can do a pretty convincing limp. If the 
vet's not sure, I drop my head every other step. I can breathe really 
fast, and get a dull look in my eyes. I can refuse food and water, and 
act like I want to bite at my sides. These will usually get me the day 
off, and a lot of treats and lovin'. That anal tone thing is hard to 
fake though. I ain't that relaxed."
      Dave: "Well, It's been great having you here, tonight. Would you 
come back and tell us how you do at Tevis?"
      Horse "Glad to Dave. Unless I can think of a way to get out of it."
 (Band plays. Horse exits. Fade to commercial)                         
                           Dr. Quackenbush, cheesy Hollywood producer


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Ridecamp is a service of Endurance Net, http://www.endurance.net.
Information, Policy, Disclaimer: http://www.endurance.net/Ridecamp
Subscribe/Unsubscribe http://www.endurance.net/ridecamp/logon.asp

Ride Long and Ride Safe!!

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Replies
[RC] Endurance Horse on Letterman, Bruce Weary DC