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FW: [RC] Perfect Man - RESPONSE - Alison FarrinHubby asked me what was so funny I was laughing out loud. I replied "Bruce
Weary!" I went on to explain that I was laughing at Bruce's offer to bulid the
perfect spouse and forwarded him Bruce's original message. This is what I got
back.........he rates almost as high on good laugh lines as Bruce!
Alison A. Farrin
From: Mark Farrin
Sent: Monday, January 23, 2006 5:27 PM
To: Alison Farrin
Subject: RE: [RC] Perfect Man - RESPONSE
Importance: High
Have you made a deposit for a new "male unit" yet??
Let's rate/grade your current male unit:
1) Can say "Let's stop and ask for directions." - Good on this one, but...
current male unit often seeks directions via cell phone from spouse; this
causes a significant reduction in grade: C-.
2) Can complete a "honey do" list in the proper allotted time. - Hum.. often
works on list but "complete" is the operative word... is a list like this ever
complete? A marginally good score for effort: B.
3) Can say "I apologize sincerely. Can you ever forgive me?" - Another
marginal grade on this attribute, can say these words but most often repeats
them to a collectible car. Sorry, poor score on this one: D.
4) Rides horses. - Horses, horsepower are they really so different? Clearly a
failing grade on this important point: F.
5) Crews happily. - This may be the toughest of them all.... define "happily"?
Often says "OK, but what's in it for me??" C-.
6) Will pay for your massages and visits to the chiropractor without
complaint. - He hasn't seen any of his own paychecks or paid a household bill
in years. Never complains about these bills but then again; is never aware of
their existence. Since "shifting responsibility to her" was not on this
criteria, he clearly scores a win on this point: A.
7) Can pronounce Brighton, Louis Vuitton, and Yves Saint Laurent properly. -
Can barely pronounce English words correctly: C-.
8) "Whisper Mode" for otherwise noisy bodily functions - Definitely turns up
the volume on those burps. Didn't he ever need to burp BEFORE she said "yes"
to marriage? C.
9) Other (Please specify)______________________ - Good thing this feature
list is finally over; his reputation is sinking fast.
Current male unit score: On a scale of 0-13 with F=0 and A=13; average of total
score (sum of grades divided by number of criteria): average = 5.75 = Strong C-
or weak C. Discount for overly complex grading scale = -.75 = net score = 5 =
Overall score = C-. Send deposit for new unit immediately!!!
Mark Farrin
-----Original Message-----
From: Alison Farrin
Sent: Wednesday, January 18, 2006 4:06 PM
To: Mark Farrin
Subject: FW: [RC] Perfect Man
I said I was laughing at Bruce Weary when you walked by this morning. I am
usually laughing at Bruce's posts......
Alison A. Farrin
-----Original Message-----
From: ridecamp-owner@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
[mailto:ridecamp-owner@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx]On Behalf Of Bruce Weary
Sent: Wednesday, January 18, 2006 3:44 PM
To: Ridecamp@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [RC] Perfect Man
Okay, hold it everybody! Ever since my idle comment about building
my perfect wife in the basement, I have been inundated with orders from
several of you ladies out there to construct a "Perfect Man." The
blueprints for such a creature do exist, but this is highly classified
information, folks! I will need proper security clearance from each of
you ladies, preferably delivered in a plain brown paper bag by courier
in a lone parking lot in the dead of night. Once you clear security, I
will need to know specifically which of the following options you will
want installed in your new male unit:
1) Can say "Let's stop and ask for directions."
2) Can complete a "honey do" list in the proper
allotted time.
3) Can say "I apologize sincerely. Can you ever
forgive me?"
4) Rides horses.
5) Crews happily.
6) Will pay for your massages and visits to the
chiropractor without complaint.
7) Can pronounce Brighton, Louis Vuitton, and
Yves Saint Laurent properly.
8) "Whisper Mode" for otherwise noisy bodily
functions
9) Other (Please specify)______________________
Please send $100,000 in U.S. currency to " Fer Sher Dude
Productions" Dr Quackenbush, Director of Manufacturing
Prescott, Arizona
Caution: Unit must undergo initial training for proper
behavior. Comes complete with Positive Reinforcement Tool : Bag of dog
biscuits
and Negative Reinforcement Tool: Rolling Pin
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Subscribe/Unsubscribe http://www.endurance.net/ridecamp/logon.asp
Ride Long and Ride Safe!!
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