Thought you might all have fun with
this. It's a spoof on natural
horsemanship, so take it in the light that it is meant. FUN:
::PRESS ANNOUNCEMENT - FOR IMMEDIATE
RELEASE::
NEW TRAINER –
Riding high on the success of such books as "You're
My Mare Not My Mother" and "Denial Ain't
What Keeps The Horseshoe On," Pamela Wilsby-Higgins is holding clinics
across the country to promote her latest book and infomercials "From A
Whisper To A Scream: When Your Horse Can't
Hear You."
The plucky blonde, so progressive in her
methods of equine communication she's
called "The Woman Who E-Mails to Horses," is the first woman to
receive national attention in the growing field of touchy-feely horse training.
Although successful, Pamela has been criticized for her unorthodox techniques
and is the first to admit she's not
a traditional horse trainer.
"Training is such a worn out concept, even the word 'train' is archaic, it comes from the Old French trahiner,
to drag. And that's just what
training is, a BIG DRAG! "What I'm
interested in is communicating with problem horses,
letting them know they're not alone.
Since I too have issues with trust and a history of abusive, dysfunctional
relationships, I understand what they're
going through. I can also relate to frustrated riders. As I wrote in 'You're
My Mare Not My Mother,' at one point
a guilt-tripping gelding shamed me into believing if I were a prettier,
thinner, smarter person I wouldn't
be having riding problems.
"My goal is to facilitate people away from the 'Self-Centered' riding made popular in the 1980s to a more 'Co-Dependant'
riding where the horse and rider work closely to deepen their relationship and
become enmeshed in the riding experience." In defense of reports that her
clinics are among the most expensive in this new industry, Pamela is
unapologetic. "You get what you pay for. Horses are individuals and it
takes time to discover what form of communication works best for them.
Whispering to horses is fine, but some respond better to murmuring or babbling,
while still others prefer mime or slide shows. I have found when working with a
herd, semaphore is the most effective."
Pamela further points out that not all bad horse behavior is the result of a
negative breaking experience. "Horses are very sensitive and can have a
variety of problems, both emotional and paranormal. They can suffer from
depression, low self-esteem, eating disorders, even repressed memories. Most
people are unaware of the large number of horses who are survivors of alien
abduction. I have found that repressed memories of such abductions are the
primary cause of trailering difficulties. There are also horses unfairly labeled
'spooky,'
when their behavior is actually an appropriate response to poltergeist
activity."
Pamela's symposiums cover a wide
range of topics, such as: Reimprinting the Inner Foal, Obsessive/Compulsive
Dressage, Gymkhanta? Andalusions of Grandeur, Bi-Polar Bending, A.D.D. in Arabians,
Fear of Flying Lead Changes, and Feeling Suicidal? Consider Eventing.
When not on tour, Pamela offers weekend retreats at Passing Wind, her Malibu, California
Ranch, that focus on specific breeds and riding disciplines. She will also
customize sessions to meet a client's
particular needs and budget. "Once we even re-birthed a Tennessee Walker
to help her face her 'Water issues.' It was exhilarating and only 3 or 4 people were injured."
Pamela was unable to comment further on this event as the matter is still in
litigation.
Pamela began developing her techniques
under the tutelage of GoWaan PoOLmiFynGer, the charismatic shaman of the
Diamond-Phillips tribe and author of the ground breaking book, "Horse Buck
Hard." "The whole monosyllabism of Horse Buck Hard overwhelmed me
with its Zen. I knew instantly I had to study with him." GoWaan
PoOLmiFynGer introduced Pamela to his tribe's
ancient practices of Equine-Aromatherapy, Prance-Channeling, Stall Feng
Shui, Public Relations and Marketing.
"GoWaan taught me so much. Not only did I learn how frequently riders with
dysfunctional personal lives project unresolved emotional issues onto their
horses, but the outrageous amounts of money they are willing to pay to be told
it isn't their fault."
Pamela went on to become GoWaan PoOLmiFynGer's
assistant when he toured to promote his calendar and video, Buckskin, Beads and
Beefcake. "It was a great gig," she reflects, "but I knew it wouldn't last, when I noticed most of the women attending
his sold-out clinics didn't have
horses."
She next traveled to the Australian outback, where she studied with acclaimed
Snowy River Kanguru Bruce Fosters, whose masterwork, "The Principles Of
Bonding- From Brumbies to The Boardroom," has become
an integral part of the executive training programs of many multinational
corporations. "Bruce is an incredible visionary. He was the first person
to theorize that a rearing horse is really just asking for a hug!"
Since starting her own clinics, Pamela has emphasized the differences between
her methods and those of her contemporaries, but she does admit to performing
the crowd pleasing, ubiquitous get-an-unstarted-horse-to-accept-a saddle, bit,
bridle and rider-without-breaking-its-spirit-in-under-an hour demonstration. "Of
course, since I'm using the
techniques I've developed, my version
is different from what people have come to expect after seeing other
clinicians. For example, I find using a pyramid-shaped pen, instead of a round
pen, brings more energy to the session. I also use indirect lighting, scented
candles and soft music.
I start by having a few glasses of wine
with the horse, then begin to recount my earliest childhood memories of
separation and abandonment, while lunging the horse at a trot. After several minutes
of this, usually at the point in my litany of victimization where my abusive
second husband leaves me for my farrier, the horse will begin to go through a
visible change. While still at a trot, it will start shaking its head and trying
to cover its ears. This is the moment I call 'The
Throw Up.' The Throw Up is the point
a horse reaches when it can't stand
listening to my problems any more and
will do anything to get me to stop, including being saddled, bridled and ridden
for the first time. "People think it's
magic when they see how willing the horse becomes once I shut up and start
saddling, but there's nothing
mysterious about it. I just have a very annoying voice and more issues than
T.V. Guide."
Future goals for Pamela include developing a web site, and a 900 number.
"I envision a network where for only 99 cents per minute, riders can speak
to their own Psychic Tele-Trainer, that I've
personally educated. I also plan to explore the financial aspects of communicating
with other animal species. I'm
willing to discourse with dogs or chat with cats. I'll
even vocalize with vermin if there's
money in it."
I hope you got a chuckle!
…S
Susan Favro
Healthy As A Horse Network
“Innovative effective products for the conscientious horse owner”
Voice – 406.864.8000
Fax – 559.272.6093 Mobile –
406.370.6399
E-mail – Susan@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Online – www.HealthyAsAHorse.Net
