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Identification of the Female
Equestrian...
EASY TO LOCATE.
She's
either off on the horse or out in the barn.
UPHOLDS THE DOUBLE
STANDARD.
Smooches with the most bewhiskered beast, but recoils when
you need a shave.
OWNS ONE VACUUM CLEANER
and operates it
exclusively in the barn.
A SOCIAL BUTTERFLY,
providing
the party is given by another horsey wife. Falls asleep in her soup at all other
functions.
ECONOMY MINDED.
Won't waste your money
on permanents, facials, or manicures.
A CULINARY
PERFECTIONIST.
Checks every section of hay for mold but doesn't
blink when she petrifies your dinner in the microwave.
OCCASIONALLY
AMOROUS,
but never leaves lipstick on your collar, at worst, slight
trace of chap stick.
EASY TO OUTFIT.
No need for
embarrassing visits to uncomfortable little boutiques. You can find all she
wears at your local tack store.
FEATURES A SELECTIVE SENSE OF
SMELL.
Bitterly complains about your sticky-sweet cigar smoke while
remaining totally oblivious to the almost visible aroma of her barn boots drying
next to the heater.
UNMISTAKABLE IN A BATHING SUIT.
She's
the one whose tan starts at the nose, ends at the neck, and picks up again at
the wrists
A DEDICATED CLUB WOMAN,
as long as the words
"horse" or "riding" appear in its name.
HAS YOUR LEISURE AT
HEART.
Eliminates grass cutting by turning every square inch of lawn
into pasture, which, in turn, converts itself into mud.
A MASTER AT
MULTIPLICATION.
She starts with one horse, adds a companion, and if
it's a mare, she breeds it.
KEEPS AN EAGLE EYE ON THE
BUDGET.
Easily justifies spending six hundred dollars on
h-o-r-s-e-s, but croaks when you blow ten on bowling.
AN ENGAGING
CONVERSATIONALIST.
Can rattle on endlessly about training or
breeding.
SOCIALLY AWARE.
Knows that formal occasions
call for clean boots.
A MOVING FORCE IN THE FAMILY.
House
by house, she'll get you to move closer to horse country (and farther away from
your job.)
EASY TO PLEASE.
A new wheelbarrow, custom
boots, or even a folding hoof pick will win her heart
forever.
SENTIMENTAL FOOL.
Displays a minimum of
six 8x10 color photos of the horse in the house, and carries a crumpled snapshot
of you (taken before you were married) somewhere in the bottom of her
purse.
SHOWS HER AFFECTION IN UNUSUAL WAYS.
If
she pats you on the neck and says "you're a good boy," believe it or not, she
loves you!
Ride Naturally, Go Treeless!
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