Best Dog Story

[Dbeverly4@aol.com]

This is definitely not endurance related, (delete if you're a purist).  It 
is, however, the funniest dog story I've ever heard.  Even funnier because I 
think it really happened!  Its a transcript from a dog list that a friend 
forwarded to me. Enjoy!

> Anne V - 01:01pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1318 of 1332)
> Okay - I know how to take meat away from a dog. How do I take a dog away
> from meat? This is not, unfortunately, a joke.
>
> Amy C - 01:02pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1319 of 1332)
> Um, can you give us a few more specifics here?
>
> Anne V - 01:12pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1320 of 1332)
> They're inside of it. They crawled inside, and now I have a giant
> incredibly heavy piece of carcass in my yard, with 2 dogs inside of it, and
> they are NOT getting bored of it and coming out. One of them is snoring. I
> have company arriving in three hours, and my current plan is to 1. put up a
> tent over said carcass and 2. hang thousands of fly strips inside it. This
> has been going on since about 6:40 this morning.
>
> Amy C - 01:19pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1321 of 1332)
> Oh. My. God. What sort of carcass is big enough to hold a couple of dogs
> inside? Given the situation, I'm afraid you're not going to be create
> enough of a diversion to get the dogs out of the carrion, unless they like
> greeting company as much as they like rolling around in dead stuff. Which
> seems unlikely. Can you turn a hose on the festivities?
>
> Ase Innes-Ker - 01:31pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1322 of 1332)
> I'm sorry Anne. I know this is a problem (and it would have driven me
> crazy), but it is also incredibly funny.
>
> Anne V - 01:31pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1323 of 1332)
> Elk. Elk are very big this year, because of the rain and good grazing and
> so forth. They aren't rolling. They are alternately napping and eating.
> They each have a ribcage. Other dogs are working on them from the outside.
> It's all way too primal in my yard right now. We tried the hose trick. At
> someone elses house, which is where they climbed in and began to refuse to
> come out. Many hours ago. I think that the hose mostly helps keep them cool
> and dislodges little moist snacks for
> them. hose failed. My new hope is that if they all continue to eat at this
> rate, they will be finished before the houseguests arrive. The very urban
> houseguests. Oh, ghod - I know it's funny. It's appalling, and funny, and
> completely entirely representative of life with dogs.
>
> Kristen R. - 01:37pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1324 of 1332)
> I'm so glad I read this thread, dogless as I am. Dogs in elk. Dogs in elk.
>
> Anne V - 01:41pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1325 of 1332)
> It's like that childrens book out there - dogs in elk, dogs on elk, dogs
> around elk, dogs outside elk. And there is some elk inside of, as well as
> on, each dog at this point.
>
> Elizabeth K - 01:57pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1328 of 1333)
> Anne, aren't you in Arizona or Nevada? There are elk there? I'm so
> confused! We definately need to see pics of Gus Pong and Jake in the elk
> carcass.
>
> Anne V - 02:03pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1329 of 1333)
> I am in New Mexico, but there are elk in both arizona and nevada, yes.
> There are elk all over the damn place. They don't look out very often. If
> you stand the ribcage on end they scramble to the top and look out, all
> red. Otherwise, you kinda have to get in there a little bit yourself to
> really see them. So I think there will not be pictures.
>
> CoseyMo - 02:06pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1330 of 1333)
> "all red;" I'm not sure the deeper horror of all this was fully borne in
> upon me till I saw that little phrase.
>
> Anne V - 02:10pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1331 of 1333)
> Well, you know, the Basenji (that would be Jake) is a desert dog,
> naturally, and infamous for it's aversion to water. And then, Gus Pong (who
> is coming to us, live, unamplified and with a terrific reverb which is
> making me a little dizzy) really doesn't mind water, but hates to be cold.
> Or soapy. And both of them can really run. Sprints of up to 35 mph have
> been clocked. So. If ever they come out, catching them and returning them
> to a condition where they can be considered house pets is not going to be,
> shall we say, pleasant.
>
> CoseyMo - 02:15pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1332 of 1333)
> What if you stand the ribcage on end, wait for them to look out, grab them
> when they do and pull?
>
> Anne V - 02:18pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1333 of 1333)
> They wedge their toes between the ribs. And scream. We tried that before we
> brought the elk home from the mountain with dogs inside. Jake nearly took
> my friends arm off. He's already short a toe, so he cherishes the 15 that
> remain.
>
> Linda Hewitt - 02:30pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1336 of 1356)
> Have you thought about calling your friendly vet and paying him to come
> pick up the dogs, elk and letting the dogs stay at the vets overnight. If
> anyone would know what to do, it would be your vet. It might cost some
> money, but it would solve the immediate crisis. Keep us posted.
>
> ChristiPeters - 02:37pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1337 of 1356)
> Yikes! My sympathy! When I lived in New Mexico, my best friend's dog (the
> escape artist) was continually bringing home road kill. When there was no
> road kill convenient, he would visit the neighbor's house. Said neighbor
> slaughtered his own beef. The dog found all kinds of impossibly gross toys
> in the neighbor's trash pit. I have always had medium to large dogs. The
> smallest dog I ever had was a mutt from the SPCA who matured out at just
> above knee high and about 55 pounds. Our current dog (daughter's choice) is
> a Pomeranian.A very small Pomeranian. She's 8 months old now and not quite
> 4 pounds. I'm afraid I'll break her.
>
> Lori Shiraishi - 02:38pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1338 of 1356)
> Bet you could fit a whole lot of Pomeranians in that there elk carcass!
> Anne - my condolences on what must be a unbelievable situation!
>
> Anne V - 02:44pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1339 of 1356)
> I did call my vet. He laughed until he was gagging and breathless. He says
> a lot of things, which can be summed as *what did you expect?* and *no,
> there is no such thing as too much elk meat for a dog.* He is planning to
> stop over and take a look on his way home. Thanks, Lori. I am almost
> surrendered to the absurdity of it.
>
> Lori Shiraishi - 02:49pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1340 of 1356)
> "He is planning to stop over and take a look on his way home." So he can
> fall down laughing in person?
>
> Anne V - 02:50pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1341 of 1356)
> Basically, yeah. That would be about it.
>
> Amy C - 02:56pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1342 of 1356)
> no, there is no such thing as too much elk meat for a dog."
> Oh, sweet lord, Anne. You have my deepest sympathies in this, perhaps the
> most peculiar of the Gus Pong Adventures. You are truly a woman of
> superhuman patience. wait -- you carried the carcass down from the
> mountains with the dogs inside?
>
> Anne V - 02:59pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1343 of 1356)
> the carcass down from the mountains with the dogs inside?
> no, well, sort of. My part in the whole thing was to get really stressed
> about a meeting that I had to go to, and say *yeah, ok, whatever* when it
> was suggested that the ribcages, since we couldn't get the dogs out of them
> and the dogs couldn't be left there, be brought to my house. Because, you
> know - I just thought they would get bored of it sooner or later. But it
> appears to be later, in the misty uncertain future, that they will get
> bored. Now, they are still interested. And very loud, one singing, one
> snoring.
>
> Lori Shiraishi - 03:04pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1344 of 1356)
> And very loud, one singing, one snoring.
> wow. I can't even begin to imagine the acoustics involved with singing from
> the inside of an elk.
>
> Anne V - 03:04pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1345 of 1356)
> reverb. lots and lots of reverb.
>
> Anne V - 03:15pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1347 of 1356)
> I'll tell you the thing that is causing me to lose it again and again, and
> then I have to go back outside and stay there for a while. After the
> meeting, I said to my (extraordinary) boss, *look, I've gotta go home for
> the rest of the day, I think. Jake and Gus Pong are inside some elk
> ribcages, and my dad is coming tonight, so I've got to get them out
> somehow.* And he said, pale and huge-eyed, *Annie, how did you explain the
> elk to the clients?* The poor, poor man thought I had the carcasses brought
> to work with me. For some reason, I find this deeply funny.
>
> (weekend pause)
>
> Anne V - 08:37am Sep 13, 1999 PDT (# 1395 of 1405)
> So what we did was put the ribcages (containing dogs) on tarps and drag
> them around to the side yard, where I figured they would at least be harder
> to see, and then opened my bedroom window so that the dogs could let me
> know when they were ready to be plunged into a de-elking solution and let
> in the house. Then I went to the airport. Came home, no visible elk, no
> visible dogs. Peeked around the shrubs, and there they were, still in the
> elk. By this time, they had gnawed out some little portholes between some
> of the ribs, and you got the occasional very frightening limpse of
> something moving around in there if you watched long enough. After a lot of
> agonizing, I went to bed. I closed the back door, made sure my window was
> open, talked to the dogs out of it until I as sure they knew it was open,
> and then I fell asleep.
>
> Sometimes, sleep is a mistake, no matter how tired you are. And especially
> if you are very very tired, and some of your dogs are outside, inside some
> elks. Because when you are that tired, you sleep through bumping kind of
> noises, or you kind of think that it's just the house guests. It was't the
> house guests. It was my dogs, having an attack of teamwork unprecedented in
> our domestic history. When I finally woke all the way up, it was to a
> horrible vision. Somehow, 3 dogs with a combined weight of about 90 pounds,
> managed to hoist one of the ribcages (the meatier one, of course) up 3 feet
> to rest on top of the swamp cooler outside the window, and push out the
> screen. What woke me was Gus Pong, howling in frustration from inside the
> ribcage, very close to my head, combined with feverish little grunts from
> Jake, who was standing on the nightstand, bracing himself against the
> curtains with remarkably bloody little feet.
>
> Here are some things I have learned, this Rosh Hashanah weekend:
> 1. almond milk removes elk blood from curtains and pillowcases,
> 2. We can all exercise superhuman strength when it comes to getting elk
> carcasses out of
> our yard,
> 3. The sight of elk ribcages hurtling over the fence really frightens the
> nice deputy sheriff who lives across the street, and
> 4. the dogs can pop the screens out of the windows, without damaging them,
> from either side.
>
> Anne V - 09:58am Sep 13, 1999 PDT (# 1401 of 1405)
> What I am is really grateful that they didn't actually get the damn thing
> in the window, which is clearly the direction they were going in. And that
> the nice deputy didn't arrest me for terrifying her with elk parts before
> dawn.
>
> Amy C - 09:59am Sep 13, 1999 PDT (# 1402 of 1405)
> Imagine waking up with a gnawed elk carcass in your bed, like a real-life
> "Godfather" with an all-dog cast.
>
> Anne V - 10:01am Sep 13, 1999 PDT (# 1403 of 1405)
> There is not enough almond milk in the world to solve an event of that
> kind.
>


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