Re: RC: On a roll!

[Laura Nielsen <lsn@bellsouth.net>]

Bette,

Thanks for posting this---I laughed sooo hard I almost fell out of my
chair!!

Course my fluffy champagne (recently rescued stray) Persian, who was lying
on my lap, was aghast at the content!!

Laura & Miss Kitty

Bette Lamore wrote:

> Hi all
> Just finished sending the computer joke to Maria ("Deleting") and
> thought we might all enjoy a good laugh to start the new year. Since I
> know most of you probably have cats (somehow horses and cats seem to go
> together, and we call them barn cats (that's what we women tell our
> husbands but whether or not they even ever see the barn is
> inconsequential to most of us), here is a story that was the best one
> sent to me in 1999. Maybe we should start a tradition on the first of
> each new year with the best story we've heard in 1999 (actually the
> blond on a runaway horse joke (and I'm blond) was a close runner-up to
> this cat one.
> Enjoy!
> Bette Lamore
> Whispering Oaks Arabians
>
> How To Bathe A Cat
>
>   (Note:  Jeffery LaCroix is a veterinarian with an office in
>   Wilmington. He writes a column for the Morning Star called
>   "From Paws to Tails."
>
>   Here is his response to a letter regarding bathing a cat:)
>
>   Dear Dr. LaCroix:  I've heard that cats never have to be bathed, and
> that they have some sort of special enzyme in their saliva that keeps
> them clean.  This doesn't sound believable to me because there are
> definite "kitty" odors on my couch and dirty cat paw prints on our white
> hearth.
> Is this true about the saliva?  If we do decide to give
> "Nice Kitty" a bath, how do we do that? - NSP, Wilmington
>
> Dear NSP:  Fortunately for you, several years ago a client gave me a
> written set of instructions about cat bathing which I am privileged to
> share with you:
>
>        Cat Bathing As A Martial Art
>
> A.  Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack
> of concern for human life, you have  the advantage of strength.
>
> Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to
> bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him.  Pick a
> very small bathroom.
>
> If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get
> in the tub with the cat and close the sliding glass doors as if you were
> about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do.  A
> berserk  cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a
> politician can shift positions.)
>
> B. Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the
> skin from your body.  Your advantage here is that you are smart and know
> how to dress to protect  yourself.
>
> I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a
> pair of steel mesh gloves, an   army helmet, a hockey face mask, and a
> long-sleeved flak jacket.
>
> C.  Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to
> simply carry him to his supper dish. (Cats will not usually notice your
> strange attire. They have little or no interest in fashion as a rule.)
>
> D.  Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to survival.
> In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub
> enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water and
> squirt him with shampoo.
>
> You have begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life.
>
> E.  Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has  soapy fur, and
> the problem is radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him for
> more than two or three seconds at a time.  When you have him, however,
> you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like
> crazy.
>
> He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, hereby rinsing
> himself off. (The national record for cats is three latherings, so don't
> expect too much.)
>
> F.  Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume this
> part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at
> this point and the cat is just getting really determined.
>
> In fact, the drying is simple compared with what you have just been
> through.
>
> That's because by now the cat is semi-permanently   affixed to your
> right leg.
>
> You simply pop the drain plug with your foot, reach for your towel and
> wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up clinging to the top of
> your army helmet. If this  happens, the best thing you can do is to
> shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.)  After all the
> water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down
> and dry the cat.
>
> In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg. He
> will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will spend a
> lot of time sitting with his back to you.
>
> He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a
> plaster figurine.
>
> You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn't usually the case.
>
> As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and
> injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath.
>
> But at least now he smells a lot better.
>
> =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
> Ridecamp is a service of Endurance Net, http://www.endurance.net.
> Information, Policy, Disclaimer: http://www.endurance.net/RideCamp
> =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=




=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Ridecamp is a service of Endurance Net, http://www.endurance.net.    
Information, Policy, Disclaimer: http://www.endurance.net/RideCamp   
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=