Things I've learned on USENET and mailing lists

[David LeBlanc <dleblanc@mindspring.com>]

I've been participating on a variety of mailing lists and discussion groups
since 1992, so in Internet time, I'm an old-timer.  I've also been in the
position of being the representative of the people running the list, and
learned a few things from that.

Just downloaded my mail after only 3 days away from the computer, and was
appalled at both the amount of mail, and what was obviously a multi-topic
flamewar going on.  Seems to me that a lot of people here are new to
mailing lists, and don't handle themselves very well when things get
acrimonious.

Here's a few observations - on any busy group, you've got the same cast of
characters.  The names are different, and the topic is different, but the
behavior is the same.  You've usually got someone who really is
knowledgable, but is rude and wants to tell others they're dumb.  Then
you've got people who will pour fuel onto a running flamewar and giving the
excuse that the other one started it and they're merely responding - and so
on.  Same bunch of folks all over, and I suppose people are people no
matter where you go, whether it's horses or computers or music.

E-mail also seems to encourage people to be childish and rude - maybe they
aren't afraid of being punched in the nose and have their courage up.  It
also is an extremely difficult medium to communicate in, and most people
don't realize that - when you've got 20,000 people reading something, it is
hard to write it so that a good number of them don't misunderstand.  A lot
of our normal communication is delivered with tone of voice, body posture,
and facial expresssions.  We get none of that here.

This list seems to have an unusual amount of difficulty dealing with
controversial topics.  It's a pity, since you can learn an awful lot
listening to people who know what they're talking about debate something in
a civil manner.  So the list tends to try to stick to happy little posts
that don't get into anything difficult.  That's nice, but you don't learn
much from it.

Another problem is that when a list disintegrates into a flamewar, the good
people are the ones leaving.  The jerks who like flamewars tend to stay on.
 On USENET, we used to have a problem where a bunch of childish nitwits
would get on a newsgroup, figure out what the divisive topics were, and
make everyone miserable, which would eventually run off all the people that
belonged there.

Here's a few things I've found useful - 

Don't take anything personally.  Even if it is directed personally.  Ignore
personal attacks.  In ancient Greek debating rules, a personal attack (ad
hominem) was evidence that the attacker had lost the debate.  The thinking
is that if you can't attack the points or logic, and you have to attack the
person, then you've lost.  So if someone attacks you, declare victory and
move on.  If you think they actually have something to say, just cut out
the personal attacks and reply to the rest.

Don't make personal attacks.  Even if you think someone's a nitwit and
they're threatening the end of Mom, Apple Pie and the Flag.  If you
disagree with them, disagree with their points.  Leave your personal
feelings about them out of it.  Telling them that they're a nitwit, or that
people like them are going to cause the end of the world as we know it is
just going to make them mad and even worse to deal with.

If someone else happens to let emotion overcome them and they are in a
flamewar, e-mail them PRIVATELY, and ask them to take it off-line.
Especially effective if you're the moderator.  If you really want to flame
someone back, do it OFF-LINE.  I haven't EVER been in a public flamewar
that I haven't regretted.  All it does is make people think you're a jerk.
You don't look smart by putting others down.

Also, most lists and things are archived for years, can come up in search
engines (put my name in Alta Vista for example), and some employers do a
quick web search to see what you're interested in and what sort of person
you are.  Think about that.  I've also known of instances where the people
really did meet in person, and someone _did_ get punched in the nose, so
that's something else to consider.  This is an awful small world.

If there is someone you find particularly obnoxious, killfile them.  A
killfile is something you have on a USENET news reader, and you can kill
certain topics or even individuals posts.  You can do the same on most mail
readers.  If someone is too obnoxious to even read, set up your mail reader
to transfer all their mail to the trash as it comes in (please don't mail
me and ask me how - it varies with reader - read your help).

I hope this will help at least a couple of people - then it will be worth
the time I took to type it.

Now, please - let's go back to having a civil list where we can have fun
and learn from one another - that's what I'm here for.


David LeBlanc
dleblanc@mindspring.com


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