Horsey Humor: EQUIMANIA by Doris Woods

[Susan Young Silberman <ssilberman@bigfoot.com>]

This was shared on the Equine Massage List and I thought y'all
might enjoy it, also
Enjoy!
;-D
Susan
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EQUIMANIA
by Doris Woods   (© Doris Woods, 1998. All rights reserved.)


DSM-EHI.1
(Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Equine-Human Interaction
Version 1)

E Q U I M A N I A
Equimania: A serious mental disorder in which occupation with
equine and conjunctive/supportive feline, canine, and caprines
interferes with the ordinary tasks of daily living and
significantly interferes with normal human social interaction, An
addictive component present such that patient congregates only
with other equine-dependents and their aggregates.

NO LESS THAN FOUR OF THE FOLLOWING SHALL BE PRESENT TO MAKE THIS
DIAGNOSIS:

1. Noticeable deterioration of living quarters of human
equine-dependent in conjunction with superior maintenance of
living quarters of equines and their aggregates.

2. Grandiose component includes preoccupation with the
extraordinariness of the patient's equine(s) which flies in the
face of reality.

3. Noticeable deterioration of the appearance of patient
(personal grooming) in conjunction with horse grooming
preoccupation. Potentially obsessive component. (Score 1-5 for
level of obsessive component with 5 being most extreme)

4. Manic deploy of charge card privileges in tack and feed stores
within a 120-mile radius of home. ... and far beyond ordinary
means. Sprees often followed by periods of depression and worry.

5. Preoccupation with detail of hay prices, cutting seasons...
and the prices of apples and carrots.

6. Neglect of personal health and dental care and scrupulous
attention to veterinary care and teeth floating..

7. Maintenance of a growing number of equines and their
aggregates either by breeding or irresistable purchase or both.

NOTE: Talking baby talk to 1100-pound animals is not considered a
part of the mental dis-ease picture.


TREATMENT:

OBTAIN an endless supply of small oblong pieces of green paper.
These are probably marked "In God We Trust" because only God can
really help the Equimaniac. Apply liberally and watch them
disappear.


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