PULP FICTION??

["Karen J. Zelinsky" <kjz2@juno.com>]

Someone sent this to me and I thought it cute enough to pass along.\
Enjoy!

 ><< Well here's a Beet Pulp story for you.
 >
 > Well, I knew there had to be a downside to beep pulp, and thought it
 > only fair that I pass it on...This afternoon I decided to bring some
beet
 > pulp pellets into the house to soak, because I wanted to get an idea
of
 the %
 > volume they expanded during soaking. Researchers are like that,
 pathetically
 >easy
 > to amuse and desperately in need of professional help. So I trundled
in a
 >bucket, about three pounds of beet pulp, added in the water and set it
in
 the
 >living room to do its thing. No problem. Science in the making.
 >
 > Well, one thing I don't think I've mentioned before is that in my
ongoing
 >Quest to turn this house into Noah's Ark, we have not only four
horses, two
 >dogs, three house cats plus Squeaky the barn cat, a  sulfur-crested
 cockatoo,
 >a cockatiel and assorted toads, we also have William, a fox squirrel
who
 >absent-mindedly fell out of his tree as a baby a year or so ago, and
got
 >handed off by my vet to the only person he knew
 > silly enough to traipse around with a baby squirrel and a bottle of
 Esbilac
 >in her bookbag. Being no dummy, William knew a sucker when he saw one
and
 has
 >happily been an Urban Squirrel ever since.
 >
 > And for those of you that think A Squirrel's Place is In The Wild,
don't
 >think we didn't try that...last year at Christmas, we thought we'd
give him
 >his first lesson in Being a Wild Squirrel by letting him play in the
 >undecorated Christmas tree, and his reaction was to shriek in horror,
 scutter
 >frantically across the floor and go try to hide underneath the nearest
 border
 >collie. Since then, the only way he will allow himself to be taken
outside
 is
 >hiding inside Mummy's shirt and peering suspiciously out at the
sinister
 >world. So much for the remake of Born Free in San Dimas.
 >
 > Anyway, when I set out the bucket of beet pulp, I may have
underestimated
 the
 >lengths that a young and enthusiastic squirrel will go to to stash all
 >available food items in new and unusual hiding spots. I thought
letting
 >William out of his cage as usual and giving him a handful of almonds
to go
 >cram under cushions and into sleeping dog's ears was sufficient
 entertainment
 >for the afternoon. After all, when I left, he was gleefully chortling
and
 >gloating over his pile of treasure, making sure the
 > cockatoo saw them so he could tell her I Have Almonds And You Don't.
Sigh.
 So
 > much for blind optimism.
 >
 > Well, apparently when the almond supply ran out, beet pulp pellets
became
 >fair game and I can only imagine the little rat finding that great big
 bucket
 >and swooning with the possibilities of being able to hide away All
That
 Food.
 >The problem isn't quite so much that I now have three pounds of beet
pulp
 >pellets cleverly tucked away in every corner of my house, it's that as
far
 as
 >I can tell, the soaking-expanding-and-falling-apart process seems to
be
 kinda
 >like nuclear meltdown. Once the reaction gets started, no force on
earth is
 >going to stop it. So when I happily came back from the grocery store,
not
 only
 >do I find an exhausted but incredibly Fulfilled squirrel sprawled out
 snoozing
 >happily up on the cat tree, I find that my house smells like a feed
mill
 and
 >virtually every orifice is crammed full of beet pulp. This includes
the
 >bathroom sink, the fish tank filter, in my undie drawer, in the kitty
box
 >(much to their horror) and ALL the pockets of my bookbag. I simply
can't
 WAIT
 >to turn on the furnace and find out what toasting beet pulp smells
like.
 >
 > The good news is that in case of siege, I have enough carbohydrates
hidden
 in
 >my walls and under the furniture to survive for years. The bad news is
that
 as
 >soon as I try to remove any of the Stash, I get a hysterical squirrel
 clinging
 >to my pant leg, tearfully shrieking that I'm ruining all his hard work
and
 now
 >he's going to starve this winter. (This is despite the fact that
William is
 >spoiled utterly rotten, knows how to open the macadamia nut can all by
 himself
 >and has enough of a tummy to have earned him the unfortunate nickname
 Buddha
 >Belly.)
 >
 > So in case anyone was losing sleep wondering just how much final
product
 you
 >get after soaking three pounds of beet pulp, the answer is a living
room
 full.
 >I'd write this New Data up and submit it as a case study paper to the
 >nutrition and physiology society, but I suspect the practical
applications
 may
 >be limited.
 >
 > Off to go empty the Shop-Vac. Again.

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