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/s/ Frank
---------------------------
Becky Huffman wrote:
>
> I love people who aren't' afraid to say 'this is the way it is", but If I
> thought that 'see, everyone agrees with me...' would work I would not
> hesitate to try it!
>
> My policy in the past has been to offer the helmet with a comment regarding
> my possible silliness and the riders safety. I had never had anyone refuse
> until her. The first time this came up, she said (QUOTE) "that
> Christopher Reeve would have been better off if he had not had a helmet on"
>
> (the marriage counselor helped my husband and I tremendously, but I refuse
> to spend $100/hr talking about Her problems)
>
> I do feel very strongly about adults making personal decisions and taking
> responsibility for their own actions - BUT - My Real concern is for my
> husbands emotional state (not her head).
>
> Cold-but true.
> She is a real bitch (dont know how she raised my wonderful husband.)
>
> I was honestly interested what policies other people had at their barns.
>
> We still have not agreed on a 'helmet policy' but sometime those horses are
> very difficult to get up out of the back pasture.!
>
> Becky & The SpazRat (nobody rides but mom)
> hhcc1@htcomp.net
>
> ----------
> > From: K S Swigart <katswig@deltanet.com>
> > To: Becky Huffman <hhcc1@htcomp.net>
> > Cc: ride camp <ridecamp@endurance.net>
> > Subject: Re: visitors AND RIDING SAFETY
> > Date: Saturday, May 31, 1997 12:28 PM
> >
> >
> >
> > On Tue, 27 May 1997, Becky Huffman wrote:
> >
> > > She flat-out refuses to wear a helmet
> > >
> > > My thoughts - no helmet - no riding
> > >
> > > This is my mother-in-law and my husband does not think she should have
> to
> > > wear one.
> >
> > There are several points here:
> >
> > 1. This person is an adult, and is perfectly entitle to choose not to
> > wear a helmet if she so desires.
> >
> > 2. This is your horse and you are entitled to refuse to let anybody ride
> > it for any reason, and obviously you feel strongly about the helmet
> issue.
> >
> > 3. This is your mother-in-law, and your husband agrees with her.
> >
> > A situation that is beautifully designed to cause all kinds of family
> > problems, no matter what you decide.
> >
> > Quite frankly, I suspect that your motivation in asking "ridecamp" this
> > question is so that you can get all kinds of people who agree with you
> and
> > you can shove all those agreements under the nose of your husband and
> > mother-in-law and say "See, all these people agree with me. You SHOULD
> > wear a helmet, and I am not being unreasonable in requiring it."
> > (Personally, if somebody tried that on me, I might dig my feet in even
> > more, and become more insistent in my refusal to "do what it best for
> > me." So just be aware that this method may backfire on you.)
> >
> > What is the right thing to do in this situation depends not upon who
> > agrees whether it is important for adults to wear helmets riding horses,
> > but rather depends upon the personalities of the individuals involved.
> > Nobody is "right" in this situation. And certainly nobody on ridecamp
> can
> > help you in deciding what it the best thing to do in this situation,
> > considering that none of us knows any of the people involved. Certainly,
> > none of us knows the best way for you to tell your mother-in-law what she
> > should or should not be doing.
> >
> > You would do better (if you needed advice) to consult a marriage or
> family
> > counselor, but ultimately it is up to you to decide whether you are
> > willing to allow something that is against your better judgement for the
> > sake of family harmony.
> >
> > For my take, though...
> >
> > It has been a long time since I have chosen to take responsibility for
> the
> > self-destructive actions of adults. I would consider it my obligation to
> > point out that wearing a helmet is considered an important safety
> > precaution when riding horses, and then, if she fell off and cracked open
> > her head you would be entirely justified in saying, "I told you so."
> >
> > If, on the other hand, you are of the opinion that your mother-in-law is
> > not expert enough to ride this particular horse, telling her that she can
> > only ride if she wears a helmet (knowing that she won't) is a great way
> to
> > avoid having to tell her, "I'm sorry, you can't ride my horse, you aren't
> > good enough."
> >
> > If, what you really want, is for her to ride your horse with a helmet on,
> > what you could say is, "I know it's really silly of me, but I have this
> > thing about riding with a helmet because I have heard/seen such AWFUL
> > things that can happen to people who don't wear helmets, and I care SO
> > MUCH about you that I don't want the same thing to happen to you. I know
> > you think you can do it without getting hurt, and you are probably right,
> > but I just can't help it; I couldn't enjoy it just for thinking about
> what
> > might happen to you....."
> >
> > You get my drift. You could then repeat something in the same vein to
> > your husband, "I know it's silly of me, and she will probably be just
> > fine, but I care so much about her that I just wouldn't be able to enjoy
> > it....."
> >
> > Only the most churlish of mother-in-laws would then coldly insist that
> > your feelings didn't matter and that they wanted to do it anyway.
> >
> > This way, you aren't telling her that she SHOULD do it because it is
> > what's best for her (as if she were one of your children--which she is
> > not).
> >
> > Incidentally, it is possible to persist in this vein until she
> > capitulates; if it is done artfully.
> >
> > kat
> > Orange County, Calif.
> >
-- ----------------------------------------------------------- Frank W. Vans Evers mailto:vans@cyberspy.com or mailto:vans@ccfs.centcom.mil
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