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My policy in the past has been to offer the helmet with a comment regarding
my possible silliness and the riders safety. I had never had anyone refuse
until her. The first time this came up, she said (QUOTE) "that
Christopher Reeve would have been better off if he had not had a helmet on"
(the marriage counselor helped my husband and I tremendously, but I refuse
to spend $100/hr talking about Her problems)
I do feel very strongly about adults making personal decisions and taking
responsibility for their own actions - BUT - My Real concern is for my
husbands emotional state (not her head).
Cold-but true.
She is a real bitch (dont know how she raised my wonderful husband.)
I was honestly interested what policies other people had at their barns.
We still have not agreed on a 'helmet policy' but sometime those horses are
very difficult to get up out of the back pasture.!
Becky & The SpazRat (nobody rides but mom)
hhcc1@htcomp.net
----------
> From: K S Swigart <katswig@deltanet.com>
> To: Becky Huffman <hhcc1@htcomp.net>
> Cc: ride camp <ridecamp@endurance.net>
> Subject: Re: visitors AND RIDING SAFETY
> Date: Saturday, May 31, 1997 12:28 PM
>
>
>
> On Tue, 27 May 1997, Becky Huffman wrote:
>
> > She flat-out refuses to wear a helmet
> >
> > My thoughts - no helmet - no riding
> >
> > This is my mother-in-law and my husband does not think she should have
to
> > wear one.
>
> There are several points here:
>
> 1. This person is an adult, and is perfectly entitle to choose not to
> wear a helmet if she so desires.
>
> 2. This is your horse and you are entitled to refuse to let anybody ride
> it for any reason, and obviously you feel strongly about the helmet
issue.
>
> 3. This is your mother-in-law, and your husband agrees with her.
>
> A situation that is beautifully designed to cause all kinds of family
> problems, no matter what you decide.
>
> Quite frankly, I suspect that your motivation in asking "ridecamp" this
> question is so that you can get all kinds of people who agree with you
and
> you can shove all those agreements under the nose of your husband and
> mother-in-law and say "See, all these people agree with me. You SHOULD
> wear a helmet, and I am not being unreasonable in requiring it."
> (Personally, if somebody tried that on me, I might dig my feet in even
> more, and become more insistent in my refusal to "do what it best for
> me." So just be aware that this method may backfire on you.)
>
> What is the right thing to do in this situation depends not upon who
> agrees whether it is important for adults to wear helmets riding horses,
> but rather depends upon the personalities of the individuals involved.
> Nobody is "right" in this situation. And certainly nobody on ridecamp
can
> help you in deciding what it the best thing to do in this situation,
> considering that none of us knows any of the people involved. Certainly,
> none of us knows the best way for you to tell your mother-in-law what she
> should or should not be doing.
>
> You would do better (if you needed advice) to consult a marriage or
family
> counselor, but ultimately it is up to you to decide whether you are
> willing to allow something that is against your better judgement for the
> sake of family harmony.
>
> For my take, though...
>
> It has been a long time since I have chosen to take responsibility for
the
> self-destructive actions of adults. I would consider it my obligation to
> point out that wearing a helmet is considered an important safety
> precaution when riding horses, and then, if she fell off and cracked open
> her head you would be entirely justified in saying, "I told you so."
>
> If, on the other hand, you are of the opinion that your mother-in-law is
> not expert enough to ride this particular horse, telling her that she can
> only ride if she wears a helmet (knowing that she won't) is a great way
to
> avoid having to tell her, "I'm sorry, you can't ride my horse, you aren't
> good enough."
>
> If, what you really want, is for her to ride your horse with a helmet on,
> what you could say is, "I know it's really silly of me, but I have this
> thing about riding with a helmet because I have heard/seen such AWFUL
> things that can happen to people who don't wear helmets, and I care SO
> MUCH about you that I don't want the same thing to happen to you. I know
> you think you can do it without getting hurt, and you are probably right,
> but I just can't help it; I couldn't enjoy it just for thinking about
what
> might happen to you....."
>
> You get my drift. You could then repeat something in the same vein to
> your husband, "I know it's silly of me, and she will probably be just
> fine, but I care so much about her that I just wouldn't be able to enjoy
> it....."
>
> Only the most churlish of mother-in-laws would then coldly insist that
> your feelings didn't matter and that they wanted to do it anyway.
>
> This way, you aren't telling her that she SHOULD do it because it is
> what's best for her (as if she were one of your children--which she is
> not).
>
> Incidentally, it is possible to persist in this vein until she
> capitulates; if it is done artfully.
>
> kat
> Orange County, Calif.
>
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