Why Santa doesn't use
horses to pull his sleigh...
The question finally had to be asked? Why
does Santa use reindeer instead of horses to pull his
sleigh? Barbara Wright caught up with Santa ice skating at the
lake in Evergreen, Colorado, and here's what he had to say:
BW:
Santa, so many of our readers have asked , "Why doesn't Santa
use horses to pull his sleigh at Christmas?"
Santa:
Ahem. Well, we really don't have anything against horses, you
know.
BW: The ESCT newsletter readers think horses
would make an excellent team.
Santa: Early on, we did try
them, yes. In fact, we tried dogs, too. Seemed logical to use sled
dogs. But the tail-wagging thing created too much air
turbulence.
BW: So, tell us what happened with the
horses?
Santa: We ran into a few problems with them that got us
way behind schedule, so we had to look for alternatives.
BW: What
problems, Santa?
Santa: Well, first off, most of the applicants
were Arabians and they turned out to have a fear of heights. In fact,
they had a fear of air in general. Their snorts and
feet-planting would bring the sleigh to a complete stop and pitch off the
packages.
Then the Standardbreds showed up and that fast
trot, winging thing doesn't work well in the air because it tends to propeller
and pitch us around in the sleigh. They were great at pulling,
though. Faultless.
We ended up auditioning a team of heavy drafts
and their ground drill was top notch, but they didn't get any lift-off.
Saddlebreds didn't get any air either because they have those dead
weights on their shoes and there's that winging thing again.
A friend
of mine, a cowboy in Texas, sent me a team of reigning and team penning horses
to try, but every time they got near a cloud cluster, they'd run crazy circles
around it and throw us off course.
So, we auditioned some Baroque
horses - Lippizaners, Andalusians and Lusitanos - figuring they could do airs
above the ground and get lift-off. That didn't end up well because
they wanted me to wear one of those flouncy Spanish riding outfits with a
three-cornered hat instead of my Santa suit and cap, so I couldn't very well
show up looking like King Ferdinand on Christmas Eve. As good as they
are in the air, so bad they are at landing. Belly flops every
time. Sad. No injuries, though.
For the hunter/jumpers, we
were finally wearing the right color - red, but the fox didn't like being the
lead all the time.
The thoroughbreds were fast as lightning, but
we missed all our test stops - yup, blazed right past every single
one.
Then we found out that mustangs are called "mesteno" in Spanish,
which translates as "you can never get these horses to do anything in harness,
much less in unison." They didn't speak English, anyway, and my Spanish
is lacking.
As a last resort, we called in the old, reliable
quarterhorses but only half of them showed up for the audition.
BW: Hmmm. I can see the challenge,
yes.
Santa: Interesting thing was that the horses all
had one spook in common. They just couldn't overcome it.
Really strange.
BW: What was that?
Santa: Fear of
elves.
BW: Wow! That's amazing! Do you think Equine
Stress Control Therapy might have helped them get over
that?
Santa: Not sure what that is...
BW: Well,
let me tell you all about ESCT, Santa. You gotta minute?
...
