 |
[RC] A Letter About Sport Horse Breeding From A Stallion - lauretta buseAnd now for a 'different' perspective from the other side of the barn........."As a well-known sport horse stallion (if you're wondering what I look like, picture an aristocratic head and neck, masculine topline, lyrical balance, and don't even get me started on the splendor of my legs). Anyway, you two-legged types blab a lot about breeding the ideal sport horse, but you neglected to get input from the primary parties involved. Namely, my magnificent self. "Oh, and maybe the mare. "Thusly (Sorry, but I'm imported. I have an image to maintain), I will educate you. Don't feel bad. The Europeans didn't invent equine procreation; they just think they did. Horses invented equine romance, thank you very much, and then taught the Germans all about it. "Now, about selecting the right mare and stallion to cross. Listen carefully, because there's something the Europeans can't seem to grasp: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THE WRONG MARE. I'm a boy, she's a girl, that's all there really is to it. Let's not make this biology stuff more complicated than it has to be. "And what's this about frozen semen? Holy smokes! Do you know why the science of freezing things is called cry-onics? Because the very idea is enough to make a strong stallion weep, that's why. Do you honestly believe that freezing semen is conducive to romance? Mares want bran mash by candlelight! Maybe a Hairy Manilow song playing softly on the DVD player. But what does she get? An uptight audience on a budget, clutching an Equitainer and babbling, 'No pressure, Princess Dear, but this cost me $1,500 so just look the other way and think of England. And for pity's sake, try to ovulate RIGHT NOW!' Meanwhile, my poor little spermapopsicles are completely demoralized from being decanted and uploaded with all the romantic ambiance of a chef defrosting a Thanksgiving turkey. I think we should go back to doing this the natural way: warm spring breezes, a handsome stallion and a beautiful mare separated by an inattentive farmer and a flimsy pasture fence. Or a pile of lumber that used to be a pasture fence. "And while we're on the subject of mutual attraction . . . what's this crap about YOU choosing the mare based on her show/performance record? Hellloooooo! Don't you want to know what I find attractive in a mare? First of all, she must have a healthy appetite. I don't want a mare who just picks at her salad. I want a real female: one who can stuff a whole bale of alfalfa in her mouth and still have room to whinny if she hears a grain scoop rattle. I want a mare who enjoys walks in moonlit carrot groves and rolling in the mud at dawn. "I have definite ideas about the future of my breed. First of all, we want all of the horses of the future to look exactly like me. (Just kidding. Mostly.) The Uber-Sport Horse Of The Future will be able to: Smell fresh grass from 17 miles away; Fade to complete invisibility when a rider carrying tack is detected; Repel insects and lungewhips with a single glance; Fetch large baskets of apples from distant grocery stores using only the power of his mind. As for movement, that won't really be important once we have the ability to beam food in whenever we want, now will it?" Who needs to do 100 miles in a day anyway? A female, a lush pasture, and abundant food, that's what I'm talking about. Not that I COULDN"T go the distance, but that would mess up my mane. And, like I mentioned, I have an appearance to uphold. Anyway, just my two cents from yours truly. Gotta go, it's time for my afternoon roll in the dirt...my work is never done..... _________________________________________________________________ i'm making a difference.?Make every IM count for the cause of your choice. Join Now. http://clk.atdmt.com/MSN/go/msnnkwme0080000001msn/direct/01/?href=http://im.live.com/messenger/im/home/?source=hmtagline =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Ridecamp is a service of Endurance Net, http://www.endurance.net. Information, Policy, Disclaimer: http://www.endurance.net/Ridecamp Subscribe/Unsubscribe http://www.endurance.net/ridecamp/logon.asp Ride Long and Ride Safe!! =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|