Fwd: Re: [RC] [RC]Unsupportive spouses - TARA C ROTHWELL
Note: forwarded message attached.
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As I struggle with the reality of my own divorce after 14 years of marriage I can say that the anger towards the horses at least in my case was NOT the problem. Of course my horses were blamed for our problems. But then again at one point I was told that if I could keep a budget (I earned more than 50% of our income and we had no financial problems or ever bought anything on credit) and did not have hobbies THEN our marriage would be OK. The bottom line was that I did not matter to my husband unless I was cooking, cleaning, having sex, taking care of the kids, or bringing home a paycheck and even then I never did any of it "right."
I crossed the finish line of Tevis alone (believe me- being there was the last thing he would have done as that might have been contrused as supporting my passion) (fulfilling a 28 year old dream) despite of everything my husband did to keep from getting to the race in 2003. I was emotionless and drained from the months of fighting
with him to prepare to fulfill this dream.
I cried when my friend Cynthia crossed the finish line on the same horse (my little chestnut dream fulfiller!) at Tevis this summer at 5 am with her husband and 3 kids there after being up all night watching her progress. Her husbands motto is what makes my wife happy makes me happy. I cried in happiness for her accomplishment but also for the marriage I did not have and would never have with my husband. After a few more weekends of crying after things he said to me ( just the normal everyday criticism and ridicule that I became too depressed to deal with) I filed for divorce in October.
I don't know what the future holds. I have problems even making plans and I think I have completely forgotten how to dream. One thing I am really grateful for though is that despite how many times I thought selling my horses would make my husband be nice to me that I didn't. I have my 2 wonderful children and 4 amazing horses
and they give me great hope for what my new future can bring.
Tara Rothwell, Caleb and Colton
T, Laser, Marti, and Legend
heidi larson <ribbitttreefrog@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Seems to be a trend, I had the non-horsey husband the first time around, he blamed the divorce on the horse, however, he had a severe denial of alcoholism. So, sorry, I wouldn't join him in HIS passion. His addictions were so severe that 2 years ago he took his own life. My new(ish) husband doesn't ride, but he digs fence post holes, feeds and takes care of horses left at home when I'm at a ride, listens to me do the horsey talk and even seems to get some of it. He likes the horses and enjoys watching them interact with each other, even has his favorite. I added on to my barn and wouldn't you know it, I have an
extra stall that was put in for shavings. While it was being built he looked over at me one day and said, "you don't fool me, that 5th stall is for your new kiger mustang." Of course I denied it!! :) Last week I gave him the news that I may be leasing an arab mare and breeding to a kiger. Since I had the first A-hole that made me feel guilty every time I spent my own dime on my horse, it is tough to break the guilt-ridden habit, but he only smirked and then helped me look at stallion photos and actually made a well thought out decision on which one he'd use and why. I was at the Albany Horse Expo yest. (w/o him) and on my return babbled for hours over the horses, the people, how I got to see the stallion we both like, AND......... I got information on my new 3 horse slant with living quarters that I will be getting next month. He just hugged me and told me he loves me!!! (It's just a damn good thing I have a good job,
and that he thinks I'm hot!!! Somehow that makes it easier!)
heidi
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