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In reading the other posts about fear and going on, I
thought I'd share how I was able to do this.  I was
inspired by another's story and perhaps mine will help
someone else.

I am easily anxious.  I was only able to learn to
drive a horse trailer because of extreme motivation. 
I had to do it without a horse at first.  

After the first horse I owned as an adult hurt me
badly (my fault) I was very scared.  It seemed like
such a long time ago that I was a carefree girl with a
hosrs.  I didn't ride again, and eventually sold her. 
I had three little kids, youngest under 3, and hadn't
ridden since high school.  Years passed and I lived
with yearning, but fear also.  Finally I was in a
position to have a horse again and bought 2 nice Arab
geldings because I was interested in riding endurance.
Then I started doing research and realized my saddle
wouldn't fit.  I spent so much time trying to find a
saddle, then I was afraid to start with them.  I
enjoyed feeding them, etc., but in the beginning I was
anxious just getting them out for the farrier, and
worming and vaccinating them.  I did a lot of ground
work with them after I learned about clicker training.


After 2 years had passed I read the autobiography of
Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas.  An entire
chapter is about him overcoming his fears, entitled
"Fear."  He confronted the things he was most afraid
of head-on and prevailed.  He was a real outdoor
person, and rode horses in the mountains.  His horse
went off the trail and rolled on him, injuring him
severely.  After this he was afraid to ride.  He had a
friend who would tie up an old quiet horse to a
hitching rail and Douglas would go stand by her, then
sit on her, until he overcame his anxiety at that
level.  Step by step he progressed until he had
overcome his fear of riding.  

When I read this, and about him overcoming his fear of
swimming after being almost drowned, I started my
"program."  I enrolled in the equitation class at the
community college and rode 3 days a week.  I would
think of dozens of reasons I should not go each day,
but went anyway, I suffered anxiety as I arrived,
caught the horse, bridled, etc.  Trotting--oh my!  My
first time in 25 years!  Before the end of the
semester, though, when my horse shied and I didn't
have an adrenaline rush, I felt I'd acheived
something!  

My reward was a 5-day pack trip during the summer.  In
the fall I signed up for a week-long private session
with a local clinician with my calmest horse.  I
cantered for the first time in 25 years!  I learned a
lot about being in control.  As soon as I returned, I
got pregnant and was soon reduced to more groundwork,
longing, etc.  After the baby was born I was
determined to either sell my other horse, or ride him.
To do either, I needed help.  I sent him to a local
trainer for 30 days, and at the end went and rode him
with her. I tentatively decided to keep him and left
him another 30 days, going out twice a week to ride
him with her, then brought him home.  

I had needed to see that when she was assertive with
him,  she could prevail without him doing anything
crazy.  This gave me the confidence that I had not
been able to get earlier, because I was afraid to be
assertive, not knowing what he would do.  Soon I was
outside on the trail with him.  As we worked together
I realized that as I gained confidence in myself, my
horse gained confidence in me and no longer shied so
quickly.  

What I have been most grateful for is that I no longer
have that awful feeling of anxiety connected with
horses.  I was only able to break through that barrier
because I was so, so motivated to be able to enjoy
what I most love doing--being with and riding my
horses.

This was a gradual program of desensitization, and it
worked.  This can be done at great expense, or little
expense (the JC classes were cheap), but the idea is
just to keep going a little farther and keep your eye
on the prize.
Sharlene


               
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