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RE: [RC] [RC] Top Ten Exercises to Become a Better Horseperson - Laurie Durgin

My edited version


From: RBluebirdpr@xxxxxxx
To: ridecamp@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [RC]   Top Ten Exercises to Become a Better Horseperson
Date: Fri, 19 Dec 2003 17:42:35 EST

Had this awhile and thought I would share it.

10.  Drop heavy steel object on your foot.  Don't pick it up right away.
Shout, "Get Off!  GET OFF!!"

*Adding "Stand next to a brick wall, plant both hands on wall, then drop the object, shooting "Get off, Get off, while pushing on the wall with both hands as hard as you can.

9.  Leap out of a moving vehicle and practice "relax into the fall."  Roll
lithely into a ball and spring to your feet.
*Do put on your newest , most expensive helmet first.After sais fall mutter, "I didn't hear any crack,I don't think I hit my head, I just got this ,I bet this will be OK, I don't see any cracks. . .

8.  Learn to grab your checkbook out of your purse and write $200 check
without even looking down.
*To the farrier, vet , feed store, and tack store ,all in the same week if you can arrange it.

7. Jog long distances carrying a halter and a carrot. Go ahead and tell the
neighbors what your are doing - they might as well know.
*If You do this, in your jogging bra and sweat shorts ,it can double as your aerobic workout.

6. Affix a pair of reins to a moving freight train and practice pulling to a
halt, release and do again. Smile as if your are having fun.
*Screaming "Whoa,Whoa,WHHHOOOOAAAAA D***it"having your saddle slide sideways adds to the comic/tradgedy of theis farce.

5. Hone your fibbing skills: "See, moving hay bales is FUN!" and "No,
really I'm glad your lucky performance and multimillion dollar horse won the
class. I'm just thankful my hard work and actual ability won me second place".
*(while muttering, "if I had your money I could 'buy' first place too. . .(while giving your horse a big hug the next day as you scoop his stall as your tell him how much more this means than an ol' ribbion.)
4. Practice dialing your chiropractor's number with both arms paralyzed to
the shoulder and one foot anchoring the lead rope of a frisky endurance horse.
*(this could be eased somewhat by taking your Advil before you start) 
3.  Borrow the US Army's slogan:  Be All That You Can Be...bitten, thrown,
kicked, slimed, trampled, frozen.....
*As you rise up and try again. . . 
2.  Lie face down in a puddle of mud in your most expensive riding clothes
and repeat to yourself, "This is a learning experience, this is a learning
experience, this is..."
* Maybe I should have 'lounged' him down first ,(in the event he is an Arabian for the first 2 hours before the show). 
1.  THE NUMBER ONE EXERCISE TO BECOME A BETTER EQUESTRIAN:
Marry money!!!!!
* Or get used to shopping at thrift stores and ebay.

Phil

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