Fear--long

[RhndLev@cs.com]

I had a major wreck on horseback (on that ornery Appaloosa mare I used to 
have) a couple of years ago and ended up unable to walk for over a week and a 
long recovery.  When I was well enough, I went back to riding my good old TWH 
gelding to get my confidence back.  I started riding the Appy again, but 
remained very fearful of riding with her.  I was fine with Laddie, but not 
the Appy.  I eventually met and fell in love with Special and sold the Appy.  
Special really helped me get over my fears, I thought.  The few times I've 
been afraid on her, she seemed to sense it and slow down for me.  I've also 
started a three year old Arab under saddle without too much difficulty.  
However, apparently, I'm really not over my fears.  

Remember that four year old filly I sold and then bought back because she was 
being starved?  I tried riding her last night.  She's had 60 days with a 
professional trainer, but I still had a lot of anxiety about riding her.  
She's a lot of horse and VERY quick.  [This is the horse that trotted for an 
hour half-starved without ever trying to quit.]  I mounted her a couple of 
times last night to see how she would do.  She stood like a rock.  However, 
the third time I mounted, she flung her head back just as I settled into the 
saddle, and cracked me hard in the mouth and nose.  My husband tried to grab 
the reins to give me time to recover and the filly ducked down and to the 
side and I went off.  The filly went down also.  I waited for us both to 
settle down and re-mounted and went up and down the driveway twice and got 
off.  Getting back on that horse was SO hard.  She's going to be a phenomenal 
horse but I just don't want to ride her.  She moves so fast and there's so 
little horse in front of me compared to Special (15.2 with a loooooong neck), 
that I kept feeling like I was going to come off of the front of her again.  
We do plan to sell this horse eventually, but Knightmare really needs more 
riding experience and I have to ride her because there's no one else to do 
it.  Please someone tell me how to get rid of this fear.  

Rhonda