revealing the pasture dance.

["robert and carla lawson" <robandcarla@hotmail.com>]

>From: Lif Strand <fasterhorses@gilanet.com>
>To: "robert and carla lawson" <robandcarla@hotmail.com>
>Subject: Re: RC:  Re: I said rain not cold!

>
>At 08:49 PM 9/18/00 +0000, you wrote:
>>NO NOT THE PASTURE DANCE!! NO ABSOLUTLY NOT!! NO NO NO NO NO!!!
>
>Yes! Yes! Yes!  Or at least reveal what it is!  Lif
>
>
>
>               ______________________________________________________
Okay I will not be held responsible for the foundering of horses or pissed 
off husbands, and neighbors screaming or shooting at you in the night.You 
must use extreme caution!!!
You will need the following materials
nitrogen in fertilize form.
6 solid nights of steady rain or water the pasture with irigation system for 
3 to 4 days.
if drought conditions exist. You can subsitiute water for bad beer!
3 tons of cow manure.
4 tons of chicken manure.
some lime for the smell.
the good thing about this is clothing is a must. you may want to use a 
hazzard waste materials ensamble. great for really pesky, paranoid 
nieghbors.
You will also need all the Barney CDS. You can aquire these at most trailer 
park yard sales. you will also need the CD of Hank Williams Jr. Greatest 
hits the one with all my rowdy friends have settled down.
two cd players with plenty of batteries.

this is a very long process but the success rate is pretty good. I haven't 
the percentages in yet it is still in testing. Also you need to do this 
after september 30th but no later than october 2nd. results may vary.
in the darkest part of night you will need to place a cd player with barneys 
songs at the southern most point of the field. you will need to place the 
other cd player to the closest point (with out going over your fence line) 
to the nieghbors house. you have to exchange the cds every hour and be sure 
to crank it up to ten. The louder the speakers the better How else are you 
gonna get the grass to grow?? I have two sony Tower surround sound speakers. 
works like a charm.
you will hand spread not machine spread the manures lime and nitrogen. and 
while you are spreading you have to chant to the Pasture god. "Greenmen"
when you spread the concoction you will need to start in the exact center of 
your field and work your way out.Be sure to stomp really hard. what you are 
doing is annoying the hell out of the seed to grow harder.
the chant goes like this.
"Oh My oh my what greenmen appears to make my pasture green again.
save my pastures greenmen save my pastures!i will make the perfect circle 
and await your decisions."
then you have to sing the song to which ever cd player you are closest to. 
Be sure to be chanting and singing at the top of your voice.

there my secret is out. Now I have to go back into the wittness protection 
program again. I certainly hope you all are happy. good luck pray for rain 
and greener pastures.
Carla <evil grin> towards my southern neighbor.
Ansata (um mom you forgot to move the horses!)
Haley (mom forgot to tell you to move your horses for three days.)
Rob (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
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