Fw: Junior High

["ruprecht" <ruprecht@tidepool.com>]

 This is hilarious, although maybe not if you have teenagers!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 Subject: Junior High
 
 Interpretations of nature from junior high, high school, and
 college test papers and essays submitted to science and
 health teachers (spelling errors preserved)....
 
 
 
Junior High Knowledge 
 
 "When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you
 expire."

 "H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water"
 
 "To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a
 test tube"
 
 "When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon
 monoxide"
 
 "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin
 is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."
 
 "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and
 caterpillars."
 
 "Blood flows down one leg and up the other."
 
 "Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and
 then expectoration."
 
 "The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even
 deader."
 
 "Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow
 instead of the bull."
 
 "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and
 makes them perspire."
 
 "A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it
 can hold."
 
 "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like
 umbrellas."
 
 "The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax
 and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain,
 the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable
 cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five - a, e, i,
 o, and u."
 
 "The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst
 insects."
 
 "The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of
 Indiana."
 
 "The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been
 taken out and the outsides have ben taken off. The purpose of
 the skeleton is something to hitch meat to."
 
 "A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight
 cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors."
 
 "The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water
 tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the
 moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun
 joins in this fight."
 
 "A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more
 extinct it is."
 
 "Germinate: To become a naturalized German."
 
 "Liter: A nest of young puppies."
 
 "Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."
 
 "Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."
 
 "Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky."
 
 "Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot."
 
 "Vacumm: A large, empty space where the pope lives."
 
 "Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is
 affirmative or negative."
 
 "To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the
 nose."
 
 "For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until
 the heart stops."
 
 "For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and
 down to make artifical perspiration."
 
 "For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her
 arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees
 of the nearest medical doctor."
 
 "For dog bite: put the dog away for sevral days. If he has
 not recovered, then kill it."
 
 "For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the
 patient is dead."
 
 "For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it
 drops in your throat."
 
 "To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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