How to convert...

["robert and carla lawson" <robandcarla@hotmail.com>]

My buddy for life asked me about my husband and how I was able to convert 
him from city to country..he is not completely converted but we have 
graduated to building fences. So here are my tips in how to patiently 
convert your guy. Beware sometimes they get to be more knowledgable than you 
so you must keep UP TO DATE and ahead of your game.
1) gradually move to country location.. subdivisions can count however you 
need to be there no longer than two years.
2) get horse nuts yell and scream about horses till he finally gives in. 
Crying and depression is fair!!!
3) Buy the goofiest mare with attitude and a lap dog personality.
4) Complain constantly that you never get to see your horse.
5) offer to take him trial riding on bomb proof horse that you may have to 
rent.
6) you must at this point tell him yes he will fall off. Yes you can survive 
a fall by rolling off.
7) find horse that has sweet personality that friend is going to sell at 
"killer" auction if we don't save her. Husbands love to save poor inocent 
things.
8) Buy husband copy of "horses for dummies"
several quid proqoes:
1a) gradual move to country my have to include condo in the outskirts of 
city...a move back to an apartment inside of city. A move to duplex outside 
of city.. and move to house in subdivision out in country to move to house 
with land around it to move to house where horses are in your back yard. 
Also occasionally have horse move to back yard for minor ailments from 
scratches to sinus problems where you have to tend to them several times a 
night.
It was nice to have an evening glass of (insert drink here) and have your 
horse grazzing beside your lounge chair.
1b) lie if you have to about all the money you will save on boarding costs
1c) don't get discouraged, ceasless city noise will get to them after a 
couple of months in the country area.
2a)this is especailly effective during HIGH PMS times, this is the best time 
to use the crying depression against him. Hey all is fair,just remember to 
back it up with lots of love and affection (this is where John Lyons, Monty 
Roberts comes in)
2b) however this can work agianst you if he brings you chocolate.. beware of 
the chocolate he will be on to you.
3a) caution on this choice that you don't complain about said horse.
3b) as badly as you hate to say it tell him you horse really loves him.
6a) you have to tell him this and be prepared for nervous twitches from him 
and endless answers to questions such as "he is only swatting flies"
6b) make sure you are several miles out before you tell him.. be sure he is 
wearing helmet that you told him to wear coss it was sexy!
7a)you have to add lots of affection and tons of my hero to this one.
7b)say "you could see it in the horses eyes that this horse was his."
7c)if you cant get him with that one try "Gawd you look so incredible and 
sexy on your horse." this one should work.
8a) if he hates to read then buy the one on tape. if he hates to listen to 
books on tape then try the incesstant " here let me saddle her for you" but 
do this infront of an audience
8b) tell him to try to say " I cleaned my geldings sheath" infront of a 
mirror with out laughing. Then to throw it in conversations such as
"Yes Mr. ______ I can handle the multi million dollar account. By the way I 
cleaned my geldings sheath today."

You will find that he will begin to look at manure for worms with you. He 
will build fences. He will cry when you lost your best friend. He will look 
forever out the window and watch horses. He will buy horse feed and complain 
there is to much dust in the oats. He will learn.
Again I emphasize the patience with your Husband, Boyfriend, Significant 
other, etc. remember the three second rule. But I highly encourage patience. 
You can take a man out of the city but you cant take the man out of the 
country.
Carla (who loves her husband)
Ansata (who loves her dad)
Haley (who loves who ever has food!)
Rob (who loves his horses)
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