Bill Of No Rights

["Tracey" <tracey@tbt.co.za>]

Sorry, Steph, I know its way off-topic, but the recent squabbling on RC
(and, yes, mea culpa!) has led me to think we could all do with a good laugh
at this one!


                 BILL OF NO RIGHTS

We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help
everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more
riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the
blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great
grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some
common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden,
delusional and other liberal, commie, pinko bedwetters. We hold these
truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people were confused by
the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.
ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen color TV
or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally
acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country
is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone-not just you!
You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion,
etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.
ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you
stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect
the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently
wealthy.
ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing.
Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly
help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing
generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve
nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional
couch potatoes.
ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be
nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in
public health care.
ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people.
If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be
surprised if the rest of us get together and kill you.
ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If
you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens,
don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a
place where you still won't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a
life of leisure.
ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to demand that our children risk
their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate
oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to
fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world
and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every
little tyrant with a military uniform and funny hat.
ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want you
to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect
you to take advantage of the opportunities in education and vocational
training laid before you to make yourself useful. ARTICLE X: You do not
have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the
right to pursue happiness-which by the way, is a lot easier if you are
unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you
who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

Tracey