Re: Barn rules to live by

[Equihealth@aol.com]

In a message dated 2/7/99 10:07:21 PM Central Standard Time, Delta75 writes:

<< Basic Rules For Horses Who Have A Barn To Protect 
 *********************************************** 
 THE ART OF SNORTING: Humans like to be snorted on. Everywhere. It is
 your duty, as the family horse, to accommodate them. 
 NEIGHING: Because you are a horse, you are expected to neigh. So neigh - 
 a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting the barn
 and communicating with other horses. Especially late at night while they
 are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a
 human than to keep waking up in the middle of the night and hearing you,
 "Neigh, neigh, neigh..." 
 STOMPING CATS: When standing on cross ties, make sure you never ---
 quite --- stomp on the barn cat's tail. It spoils all the fun. 
 CHEWING: Make a contribution to the architectural industry.... chew on 
 your stall wall, the fence or any other wooden item. 
 FRESH BEDDING: It is perfectly permissible to urinate in the middle of
 your freshly bedded stall to let your humans know how much you
 appreciate their hard work. 
 DINING ETIQUETTE: Always pull all of your hay out of the hay rack,
 especially right after your stall has been cleaned, so you can mix the
 hay with your fresh bedding. This challenges your human, the next time
 they're cleaning your stall - and we all know how humans love a
 challenge (that's what theysaid when they bought you as a two year old,
 right?). 
 DOORS: Any door, even partially open, is always an invitation for you 
 and your human to exercise. Bolt out of the door and trot around, just
 out of reach of your human, who will frantically run after and chase
 you. The longer it goes on, the more fun it is for all involved. 
 GOING FOR TRAIL RIDES: Rules of the road: When out for a trail with your
 owner, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn. 
 HOLES: Rather than pawing and digging a BIG hole in the middle of the 
 paddock or stall and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes
 all over so they won't notice. If you arrange a little pile of dirt on
 one side of each hole, maybe they'll think it's gophers. There are never
 enough holes in the ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct
 this problem. 
 GROUND MANNERS: Ground manners are very important to humans; break as
 much of the ground in and around the barn as possible. This lets the
 ground know 
 who's boss and impresses your human. 
 NUZZLING: Always take a BIG drink from your water trough immediately 
 before nuzzling your human. Humans prefer clean muzzles. Be ready to rub
 your head on the area of your human that you just nuzzled to dry it off,
 too. 
 PLAYING: If you lose your footing while frolicking in the paddock, use 
 one of the other horses to absorb your fall so you don't injure
 yourself. Then the other horse will get a visit from the mean ol' vet,
 not you! 
 VISITORS: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of horses. Rock back 
 and forth on the cross-ties, neighing loudly and pawing playfully at
 this person. If the human backs away and starts crying, swoosh your
 tail, stamp your feet and nicker gently to show your concern.

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