Fw: HISTORY ACCORDING TO KIDS.

["superpat" <superpat@gateway.net>]

This is absolutely the funniest thing I have ever read. I am still wiping
the tears away. So you want to laugh?
Sent: Wednesday, December 01, 1999 12:18 PM
Subject: HISTORY ACCORDING TO KIDS.


> Well at least they were on the right track, they just had some temporary
> derailments along the way!:-)
>
> WRO
> ---------------------- Forwarded by Wendy
Ogletree/Faculty-Staff/ITD/University
> of Michigan/US on 12/01/99 03:15 PM ---------------------------
>
>  (Embedded
>  image moved   "Janene Poortvliet" <jpoort@umich.edu>
>  to file:      12/01/99 02:09 PM
>  pic15877.pcx)
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>
>
> To:   "Laurel Barnes" <labarnes@umich.edu>, andy_closs@mcgraw-hill.com,
>       denise_mckinley@mcgraw-hill.com, ernest_johnson@mcgraw-hill.com,
>       jennifer_vanderveen@mcgraw-hill.com, steve_hoek@mcgraw-hill.com,
>       tina_zegunis@mcgraw-hill.com, jennifer_graham@mcgraw-hill.com,
>       gayle_clouse@mcgraw-hill.com, "Lan Du" <landu@umich.edu>,
>       ipex@usxchange.net, dpoortvliet@intersurvey.com, "Brenda Sprite"
>       <bsprite@umich.edu>, "Tonia Stewart" <toniasue@umich.edu>, "Kelly,
Karen"
>       <kkelly@usxchange.com>, Rhonda Ash <Rash@umich.edu>, "Wendy
Ogletree"
>       <wro@umich.edu>
> cc:    (bcc: Wendy Ogletree/Faculty-Staff/ITD/University of Michigan/US)
> Subject:  HISTORY ACCORDING TO KIDS.
>
>
>
>
>
> -
>
> > Following were actual answers to a 6th grade history test:
> > 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in
> > hydraulics.
> > They lived in the Sarah Dessert.  The climate of the Sarah is such that
> > the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
> > 2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made
> > unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.  Moses
> >went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments.  He died before he
> ever reached Canada.
> > 3. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
> > 4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we
> > wouldn't have history.  The Greeks also had myths.  A myth is a female
> moth.
> > 5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving
> > people advice.  They killed him.  Socrates died from an overdose of
> >wedlock.  After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.  This
> may >be true!
> > 6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and
> > threw the java.
> > 7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul.
> > The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be
> > made king.  Dying, he gasp out "Tee Hee, Brutus."
> > 8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw
> > 9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen."  As a queen she was a
> > success.  When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted
> >"hurrah."
> > 10.    It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.  Gutenberg
> > invented removable type and the Bible.  Another important invention was
> the circulation of blood.
> >Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because  he invented cigarettes
> >and started smoking.  Sir Fransis Drake Circumcised the  world with a
> >100-foot clipper.
> > 11.    The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare.
> > He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday.  He never made
> > much money and is famous only because of his plays.  He wrote
>tragedies,
> comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter.  >Romeo and
Juliet
> are an example of a heroic couple.  Romeo's last wish >was to be laid by
> Juliet.
> > 12.    Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes.
> > He wrote Donkey Hote.  The next great author was John Milton.  Milton
> wrote Paradise Lost.  Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
> >This also has a logical ring of truth.
> > 13.    Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented
> >Congress.
> > Thomas Jefferson, a virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two signers of
> >the Declaration of Independence.  Franklin discovered electricity by
> >rubbing two cats backwards and declared "A horse divided against itself
> >cannot stand."  Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
> > 14.    Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's
> > mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built
> with his own hands.  Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the
> Emasculation Proclamation.  On the night of April 14 1865, Lincoln went to
> the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving
> picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a
> supposingly insane actor.  This ruined Booth's career.
> > 15.    Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a
> > large number of children.  In between he practiced on an old spinster
> which he kept in the attic.  Bach died from 1750 to the present.  Bach was
> the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel.  Handel was half
> German half Italian and half English.  He was very large.
> > 16.    Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf.  He was so deaf
> > he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone
> was calling for him.  Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
> > 17.    The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
> > inventions.  People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing
> > by machine.  The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers
to
> > spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper,  which did the
> work of a hundred men.  Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis.
> Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species.
Madman
> Curie discovered radio.  And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.
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