Xmas shopping list f

["superpat" <superpat@gateway.net>]

 

Christmas is just around the corner so here are some gift ideas
  > for that special man in your life.  Buying gifts for men is not
  > nearly as complicated as it is for women.  Follow these rules and
  > you should have no problems.
  >
  > Rule #1:
  > When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill.  It does not matter if
  > he already has one.  I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet
  > to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless
  > drills.  No one knows why.
  >
  > Rule #2:
  > If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the
  > word ratchet or socket in it.  Men love saying those two words.
  > "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?"  "OK. Bye-the-way, are
  > you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows
  > why.
  >
  > Rule #3:
  > If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car.  A
  > 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to
  > hang from his  rear view mirror.  Men love gifts for their cars.
  > No one knows why.
  >
  > Rule #4:
  > Do not buy men socks.  Do not buy men ties.  And never buy men
  > bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear
  > bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.
  >
  > Rule #5:
  > You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have
  > worn out.  If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen
  > TV with the little picture in the corner.  Watch him go wild as
  > he flips, and flips, and flips.
  >
  > Rule #6:
  > Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs.  If you do, it will
  > sit in a cupboard for 23 years.  Real men drink whiskey or beer.
  >
  > Rule #7:
  > Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or
  > deodorant.  I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.
  >
  > Rule #8:
  > Buy men label makers.  Almost as good as cordless drills. Within
  > a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere.
  > "Socks.  Shorts. Cups. Saucers.  Door.  Lock.  Sink."  You get
  > the idea.  No one knows why.
  >
  > Rule #9:
  > Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on
  > the box.  It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have
  > parts left over.
  >
  > Rule #10:
  > Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr
  > Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab
  > Tire.  (NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance Centers are also
  > excellent men's stores.  It doesn't matter if he doesn't know
  > what it is.  "From NAPA Auto, eh?  Must be something I need.
  > Hey!  Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane?  Wow!
  > Thanks.")
  >
  > Rule #11:
  > Men enjoy danger.  That's why they never cook - but they will
  > barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane
  > tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill!  The
  > challenge!  Who wants a hamburger?"
  >
  > Rule #12:
  > Tickets to a Vikings game are a smart gift.  However, he will not
  > appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts."
  > everyone knows why.
  >
  > Rule #13:
  > Men love chainsaws.  Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw.
  > If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens
  > when he gets a label maker.
  >
  > Rule #14:
  > It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum
  > extension ladder.  Never buy a real man a step ladder.  It must
  > be an extension ladder.  No one knows why.
  >
  > Rule #15:
  > Rope.  Men love rope.  It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or
  > at least The Boy Scouts.  Nothing says love like a hundred feet
  > of 3/8" manilla rope. No one knows why. >
  >--