Noah's Ark (long)

[CatThom2@aol.com]

I know this isn't endurance related but it is relevant in a round about way.

    And the Lord spoke to Noah and said: "In six months I'm going to make
     it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil
     people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of
     every kind of living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build
     Me an Ark." And in a flash of lightning he delivered the
     specifications for an Ark.
      "Okay," said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the
     blueprints. "Six months, and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord.
     "You'd better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very
     long time."
      And six months passed.The skies began to cloud up and rain began to
     fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping.
     And there was no Ark. "Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is my Ark?" A
     lightning bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah.
      "Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there
     were big problems. First I had to get a building permit for the Ark
     construction project, and your plans didn't meet code. So I had to
     hire an engineer to redraw the plans. Then I got into a big fight
     over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system. My
     neighbors objected, claiming I was violating zoning by building the
     Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city
     planning commission.

     Then I had a big problem getting enough wood for the Ark because there
     was a ban on cutting trees to save the Spotted Owl. I had to convince
     U.S. Fish and Wildlife that I needed the wood to save the owls. But
     they wouldn't let me catch any owls. So no owls. Then the carpenters
     formed a union and went out on strike I had to negotiate a settlement
     with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a
     saw or a hammer. Now we have 16 carpenters going on the boat, and
     still no owls.
     Then I started gathering up animals, and got sued by an animal rights
     group.They objected to me taking only two of each kind.Just when I got
     the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the Ark
     without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed
     flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no
     jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being. Then the Army Corps
     of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them
     a globe. Right now I'm still trying to resolve a complaint from the
     Equal Employment Opportunity Commission over how many Croatians I'm
     supposed to hire, the IRS has seized all my assets claiming I'm trying
     to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country, and I just got a notice
     from the state about owing some kind of use tax. I really don't think
     I can finish your Ark for at least another five years,"Noah wailed.
      The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched
     across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you're not
     going to destroy the earth?" Noah asked, hopefully.

     "No," said the Lord sadly, "Government already has."

Cathy


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