Horse Lover's Lament

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Dee Fortner
NE Alabama

THE HORSE LOVER'S LAMENT (Sung to the tune of "Rawhide")

Ridin', ridin', ridin,
Oh, how I do love ridin'
Can't get enough horse ridin'
RAWHIDE

In any kind of weather,
My ass is cravin' leather,
I can not wait until I get to ride!
It's ALWAYS such a pleasure;
A joy I can not measure.
It does such wondrus things to me inside!

Moanin', moanin', moanin'
Yes my ass is swollen
In just 3 miles I'm groanin'
RAWHIDE

This buck, crowhop, and flutter
Has turned my legs to butter
I'm wishing that I had already died.
All the things I'm missin'
My soap op'ras and dishes
Like a dream are passin' by my eyes.

Runnin', jumpin', leapin'
Yes my eyes are weepin'
I wish I were home sleepin'
RAWHIDE

Blazin' way past lopin'
My lycra jeans are smokin'
Amazing! Since I think they're soaked in brine.
My heart is palpatatin'
My liver's dislocatin'
My God! I just got strangled by a vine.

Bitchin', bitchin', bitchin'
Now my crotch is itchin'
I could be home a stitchin'
RAWHIDE

Horse did a "Snowy River"
MID AIR! My heart's a quiver
Damn fool thinks that he's an aeroplane!
Though I am still a sailin'
My altitude is failin'
I think this horse is totally insane!

Prayin', prayin', prayin'
It's too late for sayin'
I wish I was home playin'
RAWHIDE

My raspy throat's a thirstin'
My drawers are filled to burstin'
Head to toe I know I'm black and blue.
This horse is nine tenths devil,
I'll say this on the level,
If I survive I'm thinking barbecue!

Cussin', cussin', cussin',
I'm eloquently cussin',
I need NEW words for cussin',
RAWHIDE

There's one thing I'm a hatin'
There'll be no procreatin'
I just landed on the saddle horn!
The pain's excrutiatin'
No ambulance a waitin'
I curse the day that I was ever born.

Whinin', whinin', whinin'
My poor heart is pinin'
I could have been out dinin'
RAWHIDE

Hell bent through briar and thicket,
O'er barbed wire, post, and picket,
I'm clinging for dear life as on we fly.
If I can find the stable,
And get off if I'm able,
I'll never ride again and that's no lie!

Seein', seein', seein',
I can't believe I'm seein'
Yes my eyes are seein'
THE BARN

Around the bend I see it!
Too fast to stop! Oh sheyut!
I'm in the air again ... this time alone!
A triple flip 'fore landin',
Then on my feet a standin'.
A SUPER RIDE it was now that I'm home!!!

Chorus:
Horse broke wind! What a stink!
Oh my back! Broke I think!
Broke a nail! Need a drink!
RAWHIDE
Lost a spur, banged my knee,
Bumped my head ... on a tree,
Mercy sakes! Woe is me!
RAWHIDE

• Next message: Bob Wilson: "Helmets"
• Previous message: Bob Wilson: "Re: Old helmets"
• Next in thread: Dorothy Beebe: "Re: Horse Lover's Lament"

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