Definitions

[Tracey & Mark <mwdodger@mweb.co.za>]

>
> Auction - A popular, social gathering where you can change a horse from
> >> > a financial liability into a liquid asset.
> >> >
> >> > Azorturia (Monday Morning Disease) - a condition brought on by
showing
> >> > horses all weekend. Symptoms include the feeling of dread at having
to
> >> > get out of bed on Mondays and go to work or school.
> >> >
> >> > Barn Sour - An affliction common to horse people in northern climates
> >> > during the winter months. Trudging through deep snow, pushing
> >> > wheelbarrows through snow and beating out frozen water buckets tend
to
> >> > bring on this condition rapidly.
> >> >
> >> > Big Name Trainer - Cult Leader: Horse owners follow them blindly,
will
> >> > gladly sell their homes, spend their children's college funds and
their
> >> > IRA's to support them- as they have a direct link to "The Most High
> >> > Ones" (Judges).
> >> >
> >> > Bog Spavin - The feeling of panic when riding through marshy area.
Also
> >> > used to refer to horses who throw a fit at having to go through water
> >> > puddles.
> >> >
> >> > Colic - The gastrointestinal result of eating at the food stands at
> >> > horse shows.
> >> >
> >> > Colt - What your mare always gives you when you want a filly.
> >> >
> >> > Contracted foot - The involuntary/instant reflex of curling one's
toes
> >> > up - right before a horse steps on your foot.
> >> >
> >> > Corn - small callus growths formed from the continual wearing of
cowboy
> >> > boots.
> >> >
> >> > Drench - Term used to describe the condition an owner is in after he
> >> > administers mineral oil to his horse.
> >> >
> >> > Endurance ride - The end result when your horse spooks and runs away
> >> > with you in the woods.
> >> >
> >> > Equitation - The ability to keep a smile on your face and proper
> >posture
> >> > while your horse tries to crowhop, shy and buck his way around a show
> >> > ring.
> >> >
> >> > Feed - Expensive substance utlized in the manufacture of large
> >> > quantities of manure.
> >> >
> >> > Fences - Decorative perimeter structures built to give a horse
> >something
> >> > to chew on, scratch against and jump over (see inbreeding).
> >> >
> >> > Flea-bitten - A condition of the lower extremities in horse owners
who
> >> > also own dogs and cats.
> >> >
> >> > Flies - The excuse of choice a horse uses so he can kick you, buck
you
> >> > off or knock you over - he cannot be punished.
> >> >
> >> > Founder - 1.) The discovery of your loose mare-some miles from your
> >> > farm, usually in a flower bed or cornfield. Used like-"Hey, honey, I
> >> > found'er." 2.)Founder: A condition that happens to most people after
> >> > Thanksgiving dinner
> >> >
> >> > Frog - Small amphibious animal that emits a high-pitched squeal when
> >> > stepped on.
> >> >
> >> > Gallop- The customary gait a horse chooses when returning to the barn
> >> >
> >> > Gates - Wooden or metal structures built to amuse horses.
> >> >
> >> > Girth Sores - Painful swelling and abrasion made at the point of
> >> > mid-section by fashionable large western belt buckles.
> >> >
> >> > Green Broke - The color of the face of the person who has just gotten
> >> > the training bill from the Big Name Trainer...
> >> >
> >> > Grooming - The fine art of brushing the dirt from one's horse and
> >> > applying it to your own body.
> >> >
> >> > Grooms - Heavy, stationary objects used at horse shows to hold down
> >lawn
> >> > chairs and show bills.
> >> >
> >> > Hay - A green itchy material that collects between layers of
clothing,
> >> > especially in unmentionable places.
> >> >
> >> > Head Shy - A reluctance to use the public restrooms at a horse show.
> >> > Always applies to pit toilets.
> >> >
> >> > Head Tosser - A blonde-haired woman who wears fashion boots while
> >> > working in the barn.
> >> >
> >> > Heaves - The act of unloading a truckful of hay.
> >> >
> >> > Hobbles - Describes the walking gait of a horse owner after his/her
> >foot
> >> > has been stepped on by his/her horse.
> >> >
> >> > Hock - The financial condition that a horse owner goes into.
> >> >
> >> > Hoof Pick - Useful, curbed metal tool utilized to remove hardened dog
> >> > doo from the treads of your tennis shoes.
> >> >
> >> > Horse Shoes - Expensive semi-circular projectiles that horses like to
> >> > throw.
> >> >
> >> > Inbreeding - The breeding results of broken/inadequate pasture
fencing.
> >
> >> >
> >> > Jumping - The characteristic movement that an equine makes when given
a
> >> > vaccine or has his hooves trimmed.
> >> >
> >> > Lameness - The condition of most riders after the first few rides
each
> >> > year; can be a chronic condition in weekend riders.
> >> >
> >> > Lead Rope - A long apparatus instrumental in the administration of
rope
> >> > burns. Also used by excited horses to take a handler for a drag.
> >> >
> >> > Longeing - A training method a horse uses on its owner with the
purpose
> >> > of making the owner spin in circles-rendering the owner dizzy and
> >> > light-headed so that they get sick and pass out, so the horse can go
> >> > back to grazing.
> >> >
> >> > Manure Spreader - Horse traders
> >> >
> >> > Mosquitoes - Radar equipped blood sucking insects that typically
reach
> >> > the size of small birds.
> >> >
> >> > Mustang - The type of horse your husband would gladly trade your
> >> > favorite one for...preferably in a red convertible and V-8.
> >> >
> >> > Overreaching - A descriptive term used to explain the condition your
> >> > credit cards are in by the end of show season.
> >> >
> >> > Parasites - Small children (no flames please) that get in your way
when
> >> > you work in the barn. Many gather in swarms at horse shows.
> >> >
> >> > Pinto - A colorful (usually green) coat pattern found on a freshly
> >> > washed and sparkling clean grey horse that was left unattended in his
> >> > stall for ten minutes.
> >> >
> >> > Pony - The true size of the stallion that you bred your mare to via
> >> > transported semen-that was advertised as 15 hands tall.
> >> >
> >> > Proud Flesh - The external reproductive organs flaunted by a stallion
> >> > when a horse of any gender is present. Often displayed in halter
> >> > classes.
> >> >
> >> > Quarter Cracks - The comments that most Arabian owners make about the
> >> > people who own Quarter Horses.
> >> >
> >> > Quittor - A term trainers have commonly used to refer to their
clients
> >> > who come to their senses and pull horses out of their barns.
> >> >
> >> > Race - What your heart does when you see the vet bill.
> >> >
> >> > Rasp - An abrasive, long, flat metal tool used to remove excess skin
> >> > from the knuckles.
> >> >
> >> > Reins - Break-away leather device used to tie horses with.
> >> >
> >> > Ringworms - Spectators who block your view and gather around the rail
> >> > sides at horse shows.
> >> >
> >> > Sacking Out - A condition caused by Sleeping Sickenss (see below).
The
> >> > state of deep sleep a mare owner will be in at the time a mare
actually
> >> > goes into labor and foals.
> >> >
> >> > Saddle - An expensive leather contraption manufactured to give the
> >rider
> >> > a false sense of security. Comes in many styles, all feature built-in
> >> > ejector seats.
> >> >
> >> > Saddle Sore - The way the rider's bottom feels the morning after the
> >> > weekend at the horse show.
> >> >
> >> > Sleeping Sickness - A disease peculiar to mare owners while waiting
for
> >> > their mares to foal. Caused by nights of lost sleep, symptoms include
> >> > irritability, red baggy eyes and a zombie-like waking state. Can last
> >> > several weeks.
> >> >
> >> > Splint - An apparatus that can be applied to various body parts of a
> >> > rider due to the parting of the ways of a horse and his passenger.
> >> >
> >> > Stall - What your truck does on the way to a horse show, fifty miles
> >> > from the closest town.
> >> >
> >> > Tack Room - A room where every item necessary to work with or train
> >your
> >> > horse has been put, in a place which it cannot be found in less than
30
> >> > minutes.
> >> >
> >> > Twisted Gut - The feeling deep inside that most riders get before
their
> >> > classes at a show.
> >> >
> >> > Versatility - an owners ability to shovel manure, fix fences and
chase
> >> > down a loose horse in one afternoon.
> >> >
> >> > Vet Catalog - An illustrated brochure provided to stable owners that
> >> > features a wide array of products that are currently out of stock or
> >> > have been dropped from a company's inventory.
> >> >
> >> > Weaving - The movement a horse trailer makes while going down the
road
> >> > with a rambunctious horse in it.
> >> >
> >> > Whip Marks - The tell-tale raised welts on the face of a rider-caused
> >by
> >> > the trail rider directly in front of you letting a low hanging branch
> >> > go. (Also caused by a wet or dry horse tail across the face while
> >> > cleaning hooves)
> >> >
> >> > Windpuffs - Stallion owners. Also applied to used car salesmen.
> >> >
> >> > Withers - The reason you'll seldom see a man riding bareback.
> >> >
> >> > Yearling - the age at which all horses completely forget the things
you
> >> > taught them previously.
> >> >
> >> > Youngstock - A general term used for all equines old enough to bite,
> >> > kick or run you over, but not yet old enough to dump you on the
ground.
> >
> >> >
> >> > Zoo - The typical atmosphere around most horse farms.
>
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