JD, FEI & Endurance

["Howard Bramhall" <hwb67@msn.com>]

I am really hoping someone will post about JD's ride this coming Saturday, held every Thanksgiving week-end out there in South Carolina.  He's attempting to have part of it, this year, first time for him, as an FEI ride.  Now, knowing JD a little, I find this notion entirely hilarious.  When I asked him about it last month, he said, "I'm not going to give them any kind of priority, whatsoever.  We'll just see how it turns out."  My guess is it's going to be a hoot.  And this one should turn out quite differently than the ole Biltmore FEI ride last spring that was so controversial.

In honor of Thanksgiving, I'd like to share a JD story with ya'll.  It's kind of funny; at least I thought it was. I'm sure I'll find out if you agree with me, or not, after I post this one. Most of this one is TRUE.

Seems like this fellow named Blake had locked his keys inside his Motor home.  He was purty well lit, and this was the night before an endurance ride.  JD, Blake, and a real character named Ashley (male) were trying to break into Blake's motor home, without causing too much damage.  They finagled the lock with a screw driver Ashley had come up with to no avail.  Finally, they decided to move to the bathroom window, which Blake kinda thought they could pry open with the screw driver.

I happened to be trying to sleep in my tent, parked right next to Blake, with Ashley on the other side.  I was at this particular ride, alone, so I knew this would be one of the more livelier places to set up camp.  And these good ole boys did not disappoint me.  They had me laughing so hard, in my tent, that I had to cover my mouth, cause I didn't want them to know I was listening.  I wish I could remember the exact words that had me laughing, some of it had to do with NASCAR, some of it just funny stuff that men who really like and know each other say to one another.  And, since I drinks a bit myself, I knew all three of them were purty well gone and was wondering just how they were going to complete a ride in the morning.

Well, they pried open the window, but then they realized none of them were small enough to squeeze thru.  And they did try, which had me up and peeking out my little screened opening from inside my tent.  Watching them try and lift Blake up to a window that was at least 5 feet from the ground, Blake being the smallest man out of the three, was just something you don't see every day.  After about ten minutes, they gave up trying to squeeze Blake, a short but kind of roundly shaped man, thru the 18 inch opening.

JD comes up with the idea that he'll go and find a junior.  Now, if Jennifer was with me, I sure would offer her services, but she wasn't.  So, I just sat there and waited to see what was going to come next.  I hit the button, to illuminate my watch, and it told me it was 15 minutes past midnight.  Knock, Knock, JD calling.  "Howdy Ma'am, sorry to bother you so late at night.  I was just wondering if you got any juniors in here?"

Well, as Ashley and Blake are waiting, they start passing around a bottle of something to keep warm.  Blake says, "I just gotta get to bed.  Where am I gonna sleep?"  The whining sound of his voice just cracked me up and I almost offered to share my king size air mattress with him.  Almost, but I kept quiet.  This was just too much fun for me.

Ashley has this really cool Southern voice, the kind I love listening to and love to emulate (I do a poor job at it).  He says, "Sure is taking JD a long time.  What time is it?"  I suppress my chuckle and find it difficult not to blurt out, "It's like way past midnight and this is more entertaining than Letterman."

JD finally returns, empty handed.  He said he knocked on a couple of trailers, but nobody answered, or the ones who did weren't the right size and not in a very helpful kind of mood.  Blake whines again. "Where am I gonna sleep tonite?"

The men start talking again, thinking of whose trailer they're gonna knock on next.  Evidently, JD is the only one brave enough for this job.  Ashley says, "I'm not gonna wake her up; no way, no how."  JD finally thinks of someone.  I won't mention this woman's name, but I did know her and knew she, if anyone, would be more likely than most to help out ole Blake.  Keep in mind this was a semi-crowded ride, like 170 or so total.

The men are waiting again for JD.  Kind of reminded me of that play "Waiting for Godot," where you start wondering if he's ever going to show up.  Ashley decided to go back to his trailer, for something.  My guess was it might be another bottle to keep warm.  He returns, shares it with his buddy Blake, and then JD comes with, let's just call her, Miss Helpful.  Stick with me now, this is where it gets good.

TO BE CONTINUED