Thanksgiving

["vvarney" <vvarney@megalink.net>]

This sure describes life at my house today............................enjoy!

 

 

 

>Dear Friends and Loved Ones,
>
>Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving.
>I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms.
>Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes:
>Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag
>luminaries.  After a trial run, it was decided that no matter
>how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have
>the desired welcoming effect.
>
>Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not
>decorated with the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had
>planned to make.  Instead, I've gotten the kids involved in the
>decorating by having them track in colorful autumn leaves from
>the front yard. The mud was their idea.
>
>The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens,
>fancy china, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes
>that match and everyone will get a fork. Since this IS
>Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter
>Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas. Our
>centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I
>promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like
>decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The
>artist assures me it is a turkey.
>
>We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you
>while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice
>comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims, and the
>turkey hotline. Please remember that most of these comments
>were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still
>hard enough to cut diamonds.
>
>As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a
>recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I
>don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming
>sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer,
>ignore them. They are lying.
>
>We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce
>the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional
>method. We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement.
>When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and
>sit where you like.  In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the
>children
>to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next door.
>Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a
>turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not
>be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be
>carved in a private ceremony. I stress "private" meaning: Do not,
>under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do
>not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress.
>I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason
>that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.
>
>Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a
>choice between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be
>serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped
>cream and small fingerprints.  You will still have a choice;
>take it or leave it.
>
>Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. She
>probably won't come next year either.  I am thankful.
>
>Happy Thanksgiving!
>