Dear Mister Taliban

You are turning out to be one tough cookie. I'm really impressed! Especially, lately, since you've decided to go into hiding, hiding behind your camels and your 5 wives. That's quite a lot of skirts to hide behind. The thing is, all your wives keep pointing towards you (when you aren't looking), telling us where you are. I think they've already decided you are their future "ex." Widow hood has never looked so good.

I love your rhetoric too. Telling us Americans what we're so weak; that we lead such comfortable lives we can't come out and play hard in the land of rock and caves where you dwell. That you kicked the Ruskies butt and he went running home with his tail between his legs. Actually, what really happened is the Russians ran out of money, decided that your pitiful country wasn't worth their time, and they went home to learn and study democracy. Then they tore down their wall. Course, you probably don't give Americans any credit for that wall coming down. Knowledge and education aren't very important in the land of Taliban. Ignorance and abuse of women are what you all strive for.

I just wanted to tell you, we're coming. Make no mistake, American ground troops, and some from other countries, are coming. We'll decide when, where and how and don't count on CNN to tell you in advance. We like to play around with the media sometimes. The troops are gonna come, and you will have no place to run. We're waiting till the time is right, for us, not you, because, you see, the lives of the men and women in our military are damn important to us. We don't waste a one of them. We want all of our troops to come home, in one piece, alive and well. This is something you can't comprehend; ya'll hang people in the public square, on a daily basis, for violating some absurd law that you just made up. The lives of your people mean nothing to you; heck, I hear you're even gonna poison their food, the food that was donated by the Red Cross, before you make your final run to the mountains and caves. I hope Mr. Green Beret shoots you in the head before you get a chance to do that. And I'm proud that some of my tax dollars might have went to purchase the bullet that takes you out.

You have no idea who you are messing with. You should have given up Bin Laden when you had the chance. Now, that time has come and gone. Americans value freedom so much that they will do anything to keep it. Freedom is cherished above all other values. Freedom is our soul; it is our spirit and our will. Ya'll don't see this or know about it cause you've never experienced it. To me, it's like you don't even have a soul, since you have no freedom. And this is where we will get you; with no soul, you don't run as deep as you think you do. And only Americans know how deep we run. Our well has no bottom; it never runs dry. You have no idea.

I know you think we're weak cause we do try and enjoy the pleasures in life. We drive cars (don't you own a Land Cruiser?), boats, have homes with running water (what a concept), and we even try to bathe more than once a year. We eat well, maybe, too well, but our souls hunger for life, and we do our best to meet that need. Since you don't have a soul, you don't need much to eat. And this is another area where we will beat you. Our bodies have the sustenance to continue on and on and on. Yours will run out of gas quite quickly. Rice and beans can only go so far. You'll be lucky to have enough strength to run up to those mountains after we blow up all your land cruisers. Run, Mr. Taliban, run. Run to your bin Laden. Run to his cave. Say Good-bye to him for the last time. You have no idea who you are messing with.

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