Re: Conversation starter

["Howard Bramhall" <hwb67@msn.com>]

 

 

----- Original Message -----

From: Rides 2 Far

Sent: Tuesday, October 23, 2001 6:25 AM

To: ridecamp@endurance.net

Subject: RC: Conversation starter

 

I was just thinking about making up a standard post ridecamp covering all the hot topics. It could be used by anyone at any time that they don't feel they're getting enough mail:

To whom it may concern:
I believe Limited Distance is endurance...and we should all try to come in first on 25 milers with barefoot trims. All shoes cripple horses.  I consider 25 miles endurance because I am handicapped and on full disability.  However, my goal is to ride International because I really want to win the big money.  Unfortunately I got pulled this week when my horse thumped.  I feed straight Alfalfa because I always have and I know
it's not the problem.   I don't ride Arabians. They're all idiots and shy too much.  Besides, they all have clubbed feet.

I just got back from a ride where it looked like the ride manager made a killing.  I think that he should return my required deposit because  they didn't offer a vegetarian platter for me.  I parked between two huge rigs with really loud generators which ran all night.  Their stallion that always kicks other horses in the vet check broke out of his electric
corral and got tangled up in my 3 dog's chains. Fortunately I always leave my dogs loose so they weren't on them at the time. Since I always ride with a 357 I was able to put him out of his misery before he damaged my chains.  Later a neighbor came over to ask me what he could do about the loin rubs that his Ortho-Flex had caused. I told him all Ortho-Flexes always cripple *every* horse who has ever worn them then I asked him what brand of GPS he recommended. The next morning I couldn't leave because the transmission on my Dodge Ram had gone out. I was so upset I forgot to soak my beetpulp long enough and my horse got choked.  (Forward this toeveryone on your list...it's really not a hoax, my brother in law sent it and he's a professional!)

Anybody got any additions? >g<
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I got so drunk the night before my first 50, I puked on the lady holding the clipboard when she said "Go."  After traveling about 5 miles or so, I had to get off my horse and relieve myself, since my bladder was full of excess beer.  A group of riders galloped up from behind me, my horse reared up and flipped over.  As I jumped on top of him, to prevent my horse from running off, I realized I hadn't had time to put some of me away.  Nobody noticed, they were too interested in what the horse was going to do next.

When I got back into camp, after the first loop, I went to the cooler and opened up a beer (it was 8:30 AM).  A ranger came up to me and told me no drinking allowed in the State Forest.  I upchucked on his shiny boots and was subsequently arrested for littering.  As he was putting on the cuffs, my horse kicked him in the head and knocked him out cold (the Ranger should have worn a helmet).  I mounted back up on my 17 hand giraffe by standing on top of the Ranger, as if he were a log, whistled to my "loose" dog to come join us, galloped off in the woods past the sign that read, "Hunters Only; No Horses Allowed Ever, by order of the Pennsylvania Tourist Association,"  never to be seen again.

 

cya,

Howard (I deserve a dollar cause I know those last 5 words put a smile on your face)

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