I thought I had seen it all. I didn't think anything could get to
me anymore. I remember the JFK assassination. I was in 5th
grade. They closed down school and sent us home early. When I
walked in through my front door, I saw my Mom in front of the TV crying.
I was 15 in 1968. At that young age I thought the world was coming
to an end. I had already experienced the Martin Luther
King assassination. Riots had taken place in every major city in
America. Vietnam anti-war demonstrations, the students killed at Kent
State, President Johnson declaring he would not run, and if nominated, he
would not accept his Party's nomination to run for President. And then
Bobby Kennedy was assassinated. To this day I never thought anything
could get as bad as it was in 1968. I really thought the world was
coming to a complete and total end, and I hadn't even gotten my
driver's license.
I love this country. I don't know exactly why. I can't put it
into words. When I was stationed overseas in the Air Force, my fellow
Airman would talk about the U.S. as "going back to the world." What's
happening in the real "world?" they would ask of someone who just returned
from leave to the states. And that was when I was stationed in
Germany. In Korea, home seemed even further away. It was like we
were stationed on another planet. We were all so far from home, the
"world." Our world.
I can no longer watch the television. It has all become way too
much for me to handle. I'm not even sure I'm still angry. I've
watched too much sadness, too much death, too many lives drastically changed
from what happened yesterday. I don't think I've ever been this
sad. It's gone beyond the scope of comprehension. My one fallback,
the one thing that I go to when things really get bad, humor, is no longer
there for me. I cannot find it, for it is gone. There is no longer
anything I find funny, especially on television.
I am so sick and tired of the killing. So damn sick of it
all. And I know there will be more killing to come. All in
the name of what? God? Country? There has to be a better answer to
all of this. Us bombing and killing those in Afghanistan will not solve
this problem. What the heck is the real problem here? Why are we hated
like this? This is America, the country that I love, everyone loves
America, how on earth can anyone hate us this much to do what they have done
here? I need a friggen answer.
Killing one man is not going to fix anything. If Bin Laden dies,
two more madmen will come up to take his place. It will be
like Uylsses trying to fight the two headed monster, and when he lops off
one of the heads, two more heads take the place of the one removed.
Ulysses soon realizes he cannot kill the monster by going after the
head.
We need to look deeper. Retribution and revenge are not the answers
here, even though I know that's the course we will take. Our souls, and
the souls of our leaders need to reach a higher level. We must evolve;
be better than what we now are. I cannot bear to watch another human
die over something I do not understand. There has got to be a
better way.
Peace,
Howard (I need to spend time with my 4
horses)