RideCamp@endurance.net
Funny, funny story!
I received this on a gaited horse list and laughed so long and so hard my
stomach hurt and I started crying. I hope you guys enjoy it too.
<< "Ya'll have cursed me! Yep, that's right, couldn't be a coincidence, got
to
be a curse! You talk about those big brown hunting spiders and wonder where
they live, and the same day I find out first hand! Like I said, cursed! It
happened like this: My plan for killing time by riding while waiting for the
blacksmith to arrive the other day was canceled on account of rain so I
decided to strip a stall that had been standing empty all summer instead.
I'm
minding my own business, raking old shavings away from the walls when I see
him-big, fat, ugly old spider. I saw him for just a second on top of my
foot,
right before he disappeared up the leg of my jeans! (Yep, I'd raked that
sucker clean out of the ground and onto my foot!) Well, let me tell you that
feeling that crawly sucker scurrying up my leg was NOT pleasant so I started
frantically stamping that foot against the ground in hopes of making him
fall
back out. I stomped my way clear out of the stall and into the aisle of the
barn, no luck. That sucker was still making progress north. Stomping and
squealing wasn't getting me any where but out of breath so I did the next
logical thing, I started coming out of those jeans. Figured that if he was
staying, I was going! Them jeans were just not big enough for the both of
us!!! Not sure how I got shed of those things what with having boots on and
all but I did it. By that time though I was clear out in front of the barn.
The horses I'd passed had looked at me awful peculiar but hadn't offered to
help any. Can't tell you how relieved I was to be shed of those jeans and
ole
Mr. Spider! Didn't even mind being out in the rain to much since I had on
my
world famous Dale Earnhardt Jr. racing cap and a warm sweatshirt. Course,
somehow I'd shed one sock along with my boots and jeans and the mud between
my toes was a might gross.
So there I am, hopping on one socked foot in the rain shacking those jeans
for all I'm worth, cussing and squealing for ole creepy crawly to find
somewhere else to live, when the blacksmith pulls up the drive. Yep, caught
with my pants down! L***e, our blacksmith, is an old friend so things might
not have been so bad but wouldn't you know it, he'd picked that day to bring
an apprentice farrier with him. They didn't get out of the truck right away,
I think that they were scared too. (L***ie probably thought I'd finally gone
completely around the bend.)
I saw em out of the corner of my eye just sitting there with their mouths
hanging open and their eye's bugged out. Well, about that time ole Mr.
Spider
popped out the leg of my britches and started making a run back for the
shelter of the barn. I chased after him intent on squashing him before he
could get away but I wasn't about to step on him with my bare foot or my
socked foot either for that matter so I hopped ahead of him back into the
aisle of the barn, retrieved one of my boots from the floor, scurried back
outside, and tried to mash him with the sole. Let me tell you, those suckers
are quick, a lot quicker than I am on one foot! I bet I waked at that thing
a
half dozen times before I got anywhere near hitting him. He put up a heck of
a fight for such a little thing, after the first couple of missed whacks, he
started jumping towards me! I probably don't need to tell you that I was
still cussing between squeals, huh? Or that everytime I took a swipe with
that boot and missed that muddy water was flying up into my face. What a
mess!!! Ole Crawly finally eluded me by slipping under the siding of the
barn
and disappearing. I was some kind of mad!
Whew! Well, I straightened up and turned around only to discover that L***ie
and his apprentice had finally gotten out of the truck, probably to get a
better view of the show since all those missed whacks had taken us around
the
side of the barn. The apprentice fellow was trying not to laugh but L***ie
had no such social graces. He started braying like a dam donkey, holding his
sides and leaning against the truck to stop from falling down. He was trying
to say something but I'll be damned if I could make it out. The apprentice
fellow must have caught it though cause about that time he lost it and
started laughing as well. None of this improved my disposition any. I was
still mad as a hornet. That damned spider had scared me shitless, made me
look like a fool, and then had gone right back into my barn!!! Well, I
stalked over to retrieve my jeans from in front of the barn where I'd
dropped
them when I went after the spider. Of course, they were more wet than dry
and
decorated with more than a little mud but I was gonna have to put them back
on anyway if I wanted to regain what could possibly be left of my dignity. I
snatched them up and got one leg on before I found that other sock stuffed
half way down the second leg. No wonder ole spidy had been so hard to shake
free, he'd probably been trapped in the leg of those jeans by that sock just
like my foot was now! I fell, flat on my ass with one leg stuffed into my
jeans to mid thigh and the other about knee high jammed against that errant
sock.
That's when I started to laugh. Sitting in the mud in my underwear feeling
like the world's largest fool and picturing what this whole episode would
have looked like to someone else. L***ie finally had to help me up. I got
my
jeans and boots back on and tried to explain what had happened but I doubt
that he really needed to hear anything beyond the word spider to understand.
Since he needed to shoe all my barefoot horses and take a closer than normal
look at Silk, they probably stayed for a couple of hours. L***ie was bent
over a horses foot most of the time so I couldn't really see his face but I
thought I detected a stray giggle now and then. The apprentice, whose name I
was told but can't remember, managed to never look me in the eye the whole
time he was here and I noticed him putting his hand over his mouth then
turning away more than once. Knowing the way L***ie talks and the number of
people he shoes for in a given day I'm sure that before the week is out
every
horse owner in the county will have heard the tale and some idiot who thinks
that they are exceptionally funny will sooner or later ask me about my neon
blue
underwear. When that happens, I'm gonna try to laugh, what else can I do?
At
any rate, and for what it's worth, brown hunting spiders don't spin webs,
they dig burrows into soft earth. Now you know!" >>
Rhonda and Special
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This was sent to me by a friend who got if off another egroup. Enjoy - it
could be one of us one day!!!
"Ya'll have cursed me! Yep, that's right, couldn't be a coincidence, got to
be a curse! You talk about those big brown hunting spiders and wonder where
they live, and the same day I find out first hand! Like I said, cursed! It
happened like this: My plan for killing time by riding while waiting for the
blacksmith to arrive the other day was canceled on account of rain so I
decided to strip a stall that had been standing empty all summer instead. I'm
minding my own business, raking old shavings away from the walls when I see
him-big, fat, ugly old spider. I saw him for just a second on top of my foot,
right before he disappeared up the leg of my jeans! (Yep, I'd raked that
sucker clean out of the ground and onto my foot!) Well, let me tell you that
feeling that crawly sucker scurrying up my leg was NOT pleasant so I started
frantically stamping that foot against the ground in hopes of making him fall
back out. I stomped my way clear out of the stall and into the aisle of the
barn, no luck. That sucker was still making progress north. Stomping and
squealing wasn't getting me any where but out of breath so I did the next
logical thing, I started coming out of those jeans. Figured that if he was
staying, I was going! Them jeans were just not big enough for the both of
us!!! Not sure how I got shed of those things what with having boots on and
all but I did it. By that time though I was clear out in front of the barn.
The horses I'd passed had looked at me awful peculiar but hadn't offered to
help any. Can't tell you how relieved I was to be shed of those jeans and ole
Mr. Spider! Didn't even mind being out in the rain to much since I had on my
world famous Dale Earnhardt Jr. racing cap and a warm sweatshirt. Course,
somehow I'd shed one sock along with my boots and jeans and the mud between
my toes was a might gross.
So there I am, hopping on one socked foot in the rain shacking those jeans
for all I'm worth, cussing and squealing for ole creepy crawly to find
somewhere else to live, when the blacksmith pulls up the drive. Yep, caught
with my pants down! L***e, our blacksmith, is an old friend so things might
not have been so bad but wouldn't you know it, he'd picked that day to bring
an apprentice farrier with him. They didn't get out of the truck right away,
I think that they were scared too. (L***ie probably thought I'd finally gone
completely around the bend.)
I saw em out of the corner of my eye just sitting there with their mouths
hanging open and their eye's bugged out. Well, about that time ole Mr. Spider
popped out the leg of my britches and started making a run back for the
shelter of the barn. I chased after him intent on squashing him before he
could get away but I wasn't about to step on him with my bare foot or my
socked foot either for that matter so I hopped ahead of him back into the
aisle of the barn, retrieved one of my boots from the floor, scurried back
outside, and tried to mash him with the sole. Let me tell you, those suckers
are quick, a lot quicker than I am on one foot! I bet I waked at that thing a
half dozen times before I got anywhere near hitting him. He put up a heck of
a fight for such a little thing, after the first couple of missed whacks, he
started jumping towards me! I probably don't need to tell you that I was
still cussing between squeals, huh? Or that everytime I took a swipe with
that boot and missed that muddy water was flying up into my face. What a
mess!!! Ole Crawly finally eluded me by slipping under the siding of the barn
and disappearing. I was some kind of mad!
Whew! Well, I straightened up and turned around only to discover that L***ie
and his apprentice had finally gotten out of the truck, probably to get a
better view of the show since all those missed whacks had taken us around the
side of the barn. The apprentice fellow was trying not to laugh but L***ie
had no such social graces. He started braying like a dam donkey, holding his
sides and leaning against the truck to stop from falling down. He was trying
to say something but I'll be damned if I could make it out. The apprentice
fellow must have caught it though cause about that time he lost it and
started laughing as well. None of this improved my disposition any. I was
still mad as a hornet. That damned spider had scared me shitless, made me
look like a fool, and then had gone right back into my barn!!! Well, I
stalked over to retrieve my jeans from in front of the barn where I'd dropped
them when I went after the spider. Of course, they were more wet than dry and
decorated with more than a little mud but I was gonna have to put them back
on anyway if I wanted to regain what could possibly be left of my dignity. I
snatched them up and got one leg on before I found that other sock stuffed
half way down the second leg. No wonder ole spidy had been so hard to shake
free, he'd probably been trapped in the leg of those jeans by that sock just
like my foot was now! I fell, flat on my ass with one leg stuffed into my
jeans to mid thigh and the other about knee high jammed against that errant
sock.
That's when I started to laugh. Sitting in the mud in my underwear feeling
like the world's largest fool and picturing what this whole episode would
have looked like to someone else. L***ie finally had to help me up. I got my
jeans and boots back on and tried to explain what had happened but I doubt
that he really needed to hear anything beyond the word spider to understand.
Since he needed to shoe all my barefoot horses and take a closer than normal
look at Silk, they probably stayed for a couple of hours. L***ie was bent
over a horses foot most of the time so I couldn't really see his face but I
thought I detected a stray giggle now and then. The apprentice, whose name I
was told but can't remember, managed to never look me in the eye the whole
time he was here and I noticed him putting his hand over his mouth then
turning away more than once. Knowing the way L***ie talks and the number of
people he shoes for in a given day I'm sure that before the week is out every
horse owner in the county will have heard the tale and some idiot who thinks
that they are exceptionally funny will sooner or later ask me about my neon
blue
underwear. When that happens, I'm gonna try to laugh, what else can I do? At
any rate, and for what it's worth, brown hunting spiders don't spin webs,
they dig burrows into soft earth. Now you know!"
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