Re: Re: simulating an ECTRA vet check

["superpat" <superpat@gateway.net>]

Omagod, Susan,
I can't remember when I have laughed so heartily. The tears are still
streaming down  my cheeks. Thanks for that one. I and my horse could
demonstrate just about every point as we have done it so many times. Would
you mind sending this and the ECTRA ride advice to EN? That would be a great
addition to the next issue. Love it!!!!
Pat

----- Original Message -----
From: Susan Garlinghouse <suendavid@worldnet.att.net>
To: Dave & Abby Bloxsom <cyclone@snet.net>; <teep@bedford.net>
Cc: Ridecamp <ridecamp@endurance.net>
Sent: Tuesday, July 18, 2000 4:56 PM
Subject: RC: Re: simulating an ECTRA vet check


> Great advice on simulating an ECTRA ride...now, here's how to simulate an
> AERC vet check:
>
> Gallop into the "vet area", if possible trampling several of the loose
dogs
> and spectators gathered there.  Lead your horse right up to the water
> trough, the one with the sign next to it saying "NO SPONGING" and
> immediately immerse your muddy sponge to get it all nice and clean after
you
> dropped it a ways back.  While sponging your horse, make sure he rubs his
> head on the nearest drinking horse, if possible, getting his tack
> irreparably tangled up.  As soon as your horse stops rubbing and starts
> drinking, have a crewperson heave a five gallon bucket of ice water over
the
> both of you, while simultaneously hitting the horse in the head with a
> bucket of bran mash and trying to cram a banana in your ear, meanwhile
> screaming, "IS HE DOWN YET???".  Check your horse's heart rate by looking
> for your heart monitor.  It will either be missing or telling you your
> horse's heart rate is 376.  No matter.  Shriek for a P&R person as loudly
as
> possible and continue shrieking until serviced.
>
>  Hold your horse with a death grip by the bit, glaring at him eye-to-eye
and
> muttering darkly that he'll be barbecue by midnight if he kicks the vet
> again.  Have a "P&R person"  walk up to your horse, fumble with a
> stethoscope, put it in their ears backwards and place the bell end on your
> horse's neck, stare intently at their watch for five minutes, move the
> stethoscope to three more places on your horse's neck/withers/shoulder and
> then pronounce your horse "down" and scream as loudly as possible into the
> horse's ear, "TIME!!!!".  If possible, have another volunteer on the other
> side scream "10:42!!!" into your horse's other ear.  If *your* watch is
> telling you that this means your horse will be allowed to go in
> approximately five hours, all is going as expected.
>
> Now take your horse to the "vet".  Don't remove any tack, in fact, drape
as
> much as possible all over him.  If possible, have some of it drag on the
> ground, get tangled up in the horse's feet and either break, fall off and
> cause your horse to trip and fall on top of the nearest ride official.
> Approach the "vet" who will also place a stethoscope on various parts of
the
> horse.  As soon as he starts listening, start talking and asking questions
> as loudly as possible.  If he doesn't answer and gets a peeved look on his
> face, repeat everything again---he just wants to make sure he heard you
> right.  When he gives up and asks for your vet card, hand him a soggy soda
> cracker.  At this point he'll ask you to trot out the horse---what he
really
> means is for your horse to wheel around, knock him into the nearest clump
of
> swamp or cactus (depending on your region), kick the nearest horse and
> refuse to budge.  If he's a stallion, this would be a good time for him to
> drop and start trying to prop himself up with his penis.  If she's a mare,
> squatting and peeing right in front of the nearest propped-up stallion is
> just as good.
>
> Have a crew member wave their arms and/or a whip around behind the horse
to
> get it moving.  Try to get the whip to smack the horses standing in line
> behind him.  When the horse whinnies in terror, bolts and tramples the
vet,
> that's fine---he can check the girth area for sores as it's passing over
> him.  Watch your horse carefully for signs of stiffness or lameness as it
> gallops off into the wilderness.  Don't forget to retrieve your soda
cracker
> vet card from the vet's clenched fist as you leave.
>
> :-)
>
> Susan G
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Dave & Abby Bloxsom <cyclone@snet.net>
> To: <teep@bedford.net>
> Cc: Ridecamp <ridecamp@endurance.net>
> Sent: Tuesday, July 18, 2000 5:13 PM
> Subject: RC: simulating an ECTRA vet check
>
>
> > For an ECTRA check, you should have 4 people.  Two will hold notebooks
> with
> > flapping papers, one will put hands on every part of the horse above the
> > elbow & stifle, one will touch each leg all the way down.  The Notebook
> > people will stand one on each side (as will the Touchers) and then
they'll
> > switch sides & repeat the touching on the other side.  One of the
touchers
> > will put fingers on the gums, pinch the skin on the neck, and maybe look
> > under the lower eyelid.  The Top of Body Toucher will need to look at
the
> > horse's whole head as well, on both sides and on the poll.
> >
> > Then you need to jog the horse *on a slack lead* away from the group
about
> > 50-60 feet, jog a *round* circle (maybe 20-30 feet radius) in each
> > direction, and jog back toward the group.  The horse should stop & start
> > when you do, without you needing to pull on the lead (much).  To make it
> > smooth, you should halt and turn between each segment of the jog-out.
> >
> > The P&R check is a piece of cake compared to that, just one person and a
> > stethoscope, but if your horse can stand *motionless* for 2 minutes
you'll
> > be doin' great!
> >
> > If you can master all of that, your horse will be better behaved than
50%
> of
> > the competitors out there ...
> >
> > Good luck!
> > -Abby Bloxsom
> >
> >
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> Ridecamp is a service of Endurance Net, http://www.endurance.net.
> Information, Policy, Disclaimer: http://www.endurance.net/RideCamp
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>
>