WOMEN'S ENGLISH

["JOHN AYERS" <ayers@plainfield.bypass.com>]

The following was sent me by a FEMALE!  If you want to flame
I'll give you HER address:

Women's English

01. Yes = No
02. No = Yes
03. Maybe = No
04. I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.
05. We need = I want
06. It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
07. Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
08. We need to talk = I need to complain
09. Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.
10. I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
11. You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
12. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
13. Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
14. This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
15. I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and
wallpaper....
16. Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
17. I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
18. Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
19. How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going
to like.
20. I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on
TV.
21. Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
22. You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
23. Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead.
24. Was that the baby?= Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he
goes to sleep.
25. I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is
important.
26. The answer to "What's wrong?":
a. The same old thing = Nothing
b. Nothing = Everything
c. Everything = My PMS is acting up
d. Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an asshole