Breeding Humor-- or Why Mark doesn't take me out anymore

[Bette Lamore <woa@stormnet.com>]

Happy Fourth!
I was writing an email to my friend about breeding my mare whom she
leased AI and started laughing about getting the last shipment from the
airport. Thought I'd share.
The stallion she is breeding to is only collected every other day and I
leased my mare to my friend (after 3 Halynov offspring--- she needed a
change--- too much of a good thing? <BG>) after hers met with a tragic
accident.
Anywho we teased Fri AM early and the mare was only MARGINALLY
responding. The vet decided we should go for it as the last time we'd
bred was Wed due to an off collection day (last time collected was Tues
evening instead of normal Wed-- only one baggy given each time) so we
were really crunched here (have to give an idea of the urgency here).
The baggy was due to arrive by plane at 9 PM--- really marginal now but
need to make sure there were swimmers in there up to the trek when the
egg would arrive. Various theories-- one vet told me we have 12 hours
post ovulation to get some athletes in there; another vet told me 6
hours, and yet another told me only a few. Does anyone really know---
boy, talk about some wide variations.
Anywho, so here we are at the airport at 9 PM on a Friday night and our
worst nightmare! The plane was canceled!!! So what if the engine was
smoking!!! We have a hot mare here!!! The woman at the counter did not
share my concern and told me it for sure would be on the 10:15 PM
flight. So we pop over to Starbucks for some coffee--- my idea of a fun
Fri night--- and I call the backup vet (as the first one was out of town
and had told us that Liz would come out to inseminate as long as it was
before midnight--- shades of Cinderella). I call on my cell phone to
tell her that we have an hour delay (she had already been supposedly
told by the first vet that we had a 9 PM shipment). She says she wants
to wait until the morning. I try to explain that the mare is marginal to
begin with--- she starts talking about $100 emergency surcharges and do
I really consider this an emergency and will the lessor of the mare want
to pay the extra charges-- and my voice is getting higher and higher and
louder and louder and (according to my very red husband who is now
standing as far away from me as he can and refusing to bring my latte to
me lest he be associated with this mad-woman) I am now shouting at the
vet on my cell phone in the middle of a very crowded Starbucks on a
Friday night about how the egg is about to pop and I need the SEMEN
NOW!!!! Mark said heads turned--- at no time did I mention I was talking
about horses! He said 2 seemingly gay guys were there and one turned to
the other and said "You have to remember, we're in the country here."
Mark wanted to crawl through a crack in the floor. Mark says he can't
take me anywhere anymore!
But that is not the end of the story. We went back to the airport for
the 10:15 Flight and I waited for the "luggage" to come in-- panicked
that this would put us behind our 12:00 midnight deadline at which time
the vet said she would NOT come out for ANY surcharge. It was taking
TOOO long--- 10:30 now and passengers were still straggling out. I
couldn't stand the pressure anymore. When a passenger opened the door to
the outside, I slipped out and ran to the side to yell at the guy with
the luggage to see if the blue container was there. I thought it to be a
reasonable request under the circumstances; however, I was suddenly
pursued by two guards rushing up with guns drawn yelling at me to return
inside! (I thought the guns were a little bit of an overkill, no pun
intended). After all, I was just in hot pursuit of some suitors for my
mare. The passengers were staring at me as I explained the urgency of
the situation to the guards (still with their hands on their weapons)
and finally was able to enlist the aid of one relieved guard (who by
then had decided that I was nuts but harmless) who went searching for
the missing blue "ponies in a pail" as they are affectionately known in
the transport biz. No luck and they actually refused to put a trace on
them (said it was not possible) nor would they arrange for a lear jet to
expedite. Soooo since the next flight arrived at midnight, our mission
was aborted (ooops, more breeding puns) and we went home, frustrated and
battered down. They called at 1 AM to inform us the "package" had
arrived. Our mare was out by the next day--- we sent it back unopened.
We are now just hoping that the previous little guys have staying power
and got her earlier.
So what do you non-breeders do on a Friday night?
Bette
-- 
Bette Lamore
Whispering Oaks Arabians, Home of 16.2hh TLA Halynov
(yes, REALLY!)
http://www.arabiansporthorse.com