A Redneck Love Story

[Howard4567@aol.com]

A neighbor of mine wrote this to his wife celebrating their tenth wedding 
anniversary.  He just turned 26, she was going on 25.  She had just returned 
home from shopping at Wal-Mart, and as she was getting out of the pick-up, he 
rode up to her on his horse (there has to be a horse for me to send this to 
RC), and he said to her:

Collards is green,
our dog's name is Blue
and I'm so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.
  
Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's
and without all them fleas.
  
You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
but I luv you anyway.
  
Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
right out of the can.
  
You have some'a yore teeth,
for which I am proud;
I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd.
  
On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.
  
Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.
  
Like a good roll of duct tape
yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles
and fix what you can.
  
Yo're as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants
I found in my bed.
  
Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
You spark up my life
more than a fresh load of dirt.
  
When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.
  
Yore complexion, it's perfection,
like the best vinyl siding
despite all the years,
yore age, it keeps hidin'.
  
Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together
like a skunk goes with stank.
  
Some men, they buy chocolate
for their Anniversary;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic you see.
  
Some men git roses
on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger.
That's impressive," I say.
  
Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market booth
"Diamonds are forever,"
they explain, suave and couth.
  
But for this man, honey,
these won't do.
Cause yor'e too special,
you sweet thang you.
I got you a gift,
without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds......
IT'S A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR!!

  

Now see, I told you Florida was a true Southern state.  What more proof could 
you ask for?

cya,
Howard